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06 October 2008
Crumbles
At times, I cant help but questioned myself if wat I am doin n tolerating is all worth it. For e past few daes, e tot of "givin up" crosses my mind more than once. It was like a emotional roller coaster ride for me. Time and again, I asked myself y I am so stupid n stubborn to continue to put myself thru tis. A moment ago, I might b smiling gleefully to myself. E veri next moment, I might b so upset n disappointed tat I was tryin so hard not to cry. It is tis up n down feelin tat makes me feel so vulnerable. It also makes reali crave to hav sumting in my life which I can hav a grip on. Stable n secure. If onli... Assurance can b bought like insurance.

Everything tats being displayed in front of me seems ever so perfect. It is ever so perfect tat I cant believe myself it is reali e case. Everythin jus fits ever so nicely like a jigsaw puzzle. Not even a bit of flaws or crack can b found. Yet, @ times like tis, I cant help wondering to myself if I am dreamin or not. Do I reali deserve all tis? Is it reali meant for me only? Not only tat, I hav alwaes remind myself tat no matter how perfect it is, problems r bound to appear in time to come. Life is never a bed of roses. Jus recently, e smart aleck me caused a tiny crack on tis ever so perfect thing. Well done, aunty spidey. It jus seems like I cant wait to die and I am actually digging into my own grave now.

I am sick of pretendin...
Yet, I dun wanna b e same...
Tell me when I can throw my tantrums...
I am definately not so GENEROUS...
I am jus toleratin...
Cos I dun hav e rights to show.

~ { 1:33 AM }
reflections of you and me;