2 Good 2 b True
Incredible! Unbelievable! Exasperating! Exhilarated! All these r e words which r revolving inside my head for e past 1 week. I cant contain these feelings within me. As much as I am happy with my studies life as of now, there is alwaes tis little devil which lukes ard me n tell tat it is jus too good to b true. I dun deny e fact it does feel as good as a dream to me. In addition to it, I am feelin so tired tat I am able to sleep anytime n anywhere. Sitting down bcomes a fear to me as I am able to doze off any time! It does not matter where it is n wat I am doing so as long I get to sit down, sleepy bug jus attacks me! Hence, everything jus feel so dreamy. 2 good 2 b true...

With response to tat, on a daily basis, I cant help but keep tellin myself tat I muz not fall into tis dream to prevent myself frm being hurt when e dream is over. Yet, I am also tellin myself to hav faith as it is reali happening. I am NOT sleepin n dreaming. How contradicting... Folks, its perfectly fine if u dun get it.

It jus seems to good to b true...
How will tis evolve?
I am curious n dyin to find out... :)

No Confidence
Life has real hectic for me for e past 2 weeks. I was rushing like mad everywhere. Work was piling up like a huge mountain in front of me. Despite these madness, I got to noe who actually bothers to make an effort to shower sum concern over me. Thanks for e occasional showers of love. It reali brought a smile to my face when I tot of it. E understanding, recognition n respect I hav got from my uni peers kinda helps me get past with e turmoils of everydae life. Of cos, I wont deny tat there r irritating ones outta. Still, I hav Joo to lend me a listening ear n allow me to rant my hearts out. Joo... IF ONLI...u r a guy, I swear I would hav fallen in love with u n drag u to ROM. STILL, I am aware tat I hav repeat tis many times, I wanna thank u for lending me e time. Its realli precious to me. I cant imagine how life will b if I hav keep everything to myself.

PS: It feels weird to b thanking pple who wont read ur blog. :S

As promised, I will blog in chinese for e benefit of Joo.

因为不曾拥有所以害怕失去
因为害怕失去所以不动于宗
因为不动于宗所以只好等待
因为等待所以有希望
因为有希望所以也会有失望
只有在失望中才会看到真相

我只能希望我不会在失望中才找到真相
一切都太完美了，让我没办法相信。
感觉如威尼斯的童话故事。　
如果这是一场梦，那就让我快点清醒吧！
我不想再沉迷在里头。

Messed Up
It had been 2 weeks since e incident took place. Ever since it happened, I can no longer bring myself to appreciate or even respect her anymore. Everything will b fine if I do not tink of anythin n jus do my stuff blindly. However, when I tink of it, e anger makes me unable to respect n snap @ every single little thing. Saying totless things w/o even knowin exactly wat I am tokin abt. I din wanna force myself to do wat is deemed as 'correct'. E reason is simply bcos I wont feel any better. Perhaps, I might even feel worst off. As of current state, I hav absolutely no idea wat kind of attitude I shld hav or take towards her. Since then, I hav been tinkin of ways to make myself feel better. Sumhow, no matter how hard I try, I cant succeed. I am afraid to sae tat my heart has stopped beating. I do hav enoff of these nonsenses n I hav declared cold war with her. As if e whole situation isnt bad enoff, she has to pick on me n make stupid conversations with me. Even though I do understand tat she is jus tryin to strike up conversation, I am unable to bring myself to converse with her. Hence, things gets out of hand veri quickly as I am feelin drained frm e long hrs of work n studyin. E endless interrogation of silly qns only serves to make me feelin pissed n e next thing I am aware of is I had jus snapped at her.

If u r tinkin tat I am actually feelin better when I am treating her coldly, e ans is a FAT NO! I am feelin miserable too. Afterall, I am never a fan of committing 'wrong's in my life. I hav alwaes strive to work towards or at e veri least do wat is considered 'acceptable' in e eyes of many. Yet, for tis time, I am unable to do so. I had enoff n I AM REALI SICK OF IT.

In order to take my mind off tat particular issue, I hav been 'torturing' myself. Clockin an astonishing amt of less than 20hrs of sleep for 4 daes leaves me feel extremely zonked out. Drowning myself with cup after cups of coffee to keep me going to do e stuff which has to b done. Work, tuition n studies hav occupied my time entirely. I do not hav any time left for sleep. U can sae tat I hav purposely packed my schedule like sardines by takin on another extra job. This is to ensure tat I wont hav any much time to sit down n tink thru it. Of cos, I am hoping tat it would b able to help me numb e 'pain'. Sad to sae, nothin works. I am left with no choices but to face up to it. It is makin me wanna run away....as far as I can go. As I hav to shift my focus away frm my problems, I am givin my all to studies in e hope to reap results in e end. I hope I am investing in sumting which I can hav a grip on. Lets jus wait n see. I hope I wont fail myself n my uncle as I hav nothin left for me to grab on.

Apart frm these upsetting events in my life, e onli ray of hope or light in my life now is none other than e great pals I hav met in my life. Thanks for being there 2 help me hang tat 'U-shape' on my face. Of cos, not to forget, I hav to credit tat to my aunt n cousin too. My aunt has not been feeling too good these daes n it is makin me fear as she is veri old. I cant afford to lose anyone anymore. I do not hav many pple in my life to begin wif whom I can bare my heart to. Pls...dun abandon me. I cant imagine life without her.

Sorry folks for such a depressing entry. I jus merely need an outlet of my emotions.

Filled 2 e Max
I hav been tinkin abt several stuff for e past few daes even when I am sleeping. It makes sleepin jus a plain waste of time. It leaves me feelin dead n even more tired than b4. With tat, it makes napping thru e dae to b a frequent event in my dae.

One huge issue...
E super dreadful accounting test is pushin me to e limits. I cant even focus for a sec to read e text. My brain has totally abolished e tot of readin it. It is fantastically dry n difficult to understand as it is written in Aussie context. I am gonna b so dead for tis paper. Well done! Of cos, I am fully aware tat I can alwaes consult Mr Muscle for help. However, it makes me feel tat I will hav a tendency to depend on him n I am not makin an effort to understand e text. Moreover, I am afraid to take up too much of his time too! Afterall, he also has to study for himself. Isnt it true?

Next, it is none other than e sickenin issue which I hav choose to dump e whole thing @ one corner of my brain. Yet, as time goes by, it starts to dominate my entire brain. I need to solve it real fast b4 tis sick feelin stays permanently in me.

Last but not least, it has to do wif tis aspect of my life. Patience! I hav told myself numerous no. of times. It still doesnt sink into me. Aunty spidey will alwaes be aunt spidey. Simply, I hav not been able to quit tat sickening + 'gonna kill me one dae' habit. Jus let time tell... Things will happen in e way tat is favourable to u.

I shall pen off here...back to text! $%&*()$#%^&*

Disappointed
It hurts. I din noe tis is e way you would wanna me to b viewed by others. I teared @ e tot of it. I hav no idea as to why my reaction would b so big. I am shocked wif my own reaction too. I tot I hav learned to b numb to it. I tot I would b able to take all kinds of shit. Perhaps, PMS was e culprit. In actual fact, I am veri much affected by it. All of a sudden, I do not noe how to face her. All in my mind was to run away. It would be best to run to a place whereby she wont find me.

At times, I feel tat doin e rite thing @ e rite timing is veri impt in our life. With e rite timing, disputes can b resolved n results can b achieved. Yet, with e wrong timing, everything else break loose n nothin is attained @ e end of e dae. E wrong incident happened @ e worst timing ever. With a test on hand, I swallowed my sorrows n frustrations to prepare myself n clear my mind for e test. I understand tat it is not a time to b upset n sulk over e whole issue. I hav absolutely no idea how I did tat. I jus did wat I ought to do @ tat moment.

On a brighter note, I believe I will b able to score for tis paper. :) E whole dread feeling came shortly after e test. I walked aimlessly ard Clementi n ended up in Mac eating fries. I decided to pen down my tots n feelings. Apart frm tat, I made sum major decisions in my life. I would sae tat I am truly disappointed wif wat had happened n took a big step fore to make these decisions. It is largely due to these decisions which is makin me find it hard to face her. I do not noe how I shld view e whole entire situation. Pretend nothin happened n carry on wif life? It might b e easiest n best way out but I tink I hav enoff of it. Take e initiative n create a change to my life? I hav choose to take tis path. Its not gonna b easy. On top of it, I might hav more n more commitments in time to come. Tat means to sae tat u might not b able to see me tat often / easily anymore. As for now, I jus wanna avoid her n give myself sum time to tink thru certain issues.