Test
With jus 2 daes away frm my test, I am still not feelin e least bit of e need to study yet. E 'sense of urgency' switch in me jus dun . As e test only comprises of 15 MCQ questions, I hate e fact tat I am takin it easily . "Aiyah...can one lah!" is e tot tat is revolving in my mind constantly. I do not wish or want to b complacent abt tis. Sumhow, e feelin jus lingers ard. GRR! Being not discipline enoff is alwaes an issue to me. I cant wait to quit tat but it is not givin me up so easily. Not only tat, 'Focus' is jus another word tat can never be found in my dictionary. My concentration span is so SHORT! (jus like me!) It onli makes studyin extremely difficult n torturous for me. In order to achieve better efficiency & results in my studies, I am pretty much left wif not much options but to pester my peers to study wif me. My No. 1 victim is none other than my fav! JOO! If u r feelin sour abt e whole entire idea, I can understand as it would b onli jus e 2 of us! Do wipe ur tears n blow ur nose as tis isnt gonna stop me frm meetin up wif her. *evil laff*

E test of my life. Time n again, I am being put to test. As much as I hav put myself as "studyin" mode over msn, e actual fact is tat I hav been staring blankly @ wats in front of me n tinkin abt e test tat life has given to me. I hav kept pretty much of wats bothering me to myself. I haven reali told a single soul abt it. Not even my closest cousin. Perhaps, e tiny fish who sleeps besides me every nite noe a tiny bit of wats goin on. Needless to say, I hav not reali pen it down here n u do not hav to worry abt missing out e juicy gossips of my life. HA! I wanted to wait n see if I am able to find any concrete ans to all my queries as I din wanna make a big hooha over nothin. I hope I will b able to find e ans n to reveal more e next time round.

If life is a person, life feels tat I do need to learn sum valuable lessons in tat particular aspect of my life apart frm e cirriculum context. E amt of confidence I hav in myself is tested over again n again. My perseverance, e 'never say die' attitude is once again tested. My patience n tolerance are heavily tested. I hav been tryin not to roll eyes @ sumone.

Even though e results haven been released, I am aware tat I din fare well. Hence, I dare not pray for flying colours. However, I am pretty sure tat I hav push myself harder tis time round n I hav made sum minor improvements. Wish me luck for tis particular "test" of mine. :)

Quotes of e dae: A winner is one who never gives up n remains his/her cool @ all times. Patience is e key.

Tell me tat I am not dreamin...

Priority
Sumone once said this, "Dont make sumone e priority in ur life when u r jus another option in his/her life". I totally agree with this. More often than enough, I hav committed this silly mistake. I hav chosen e wrong pple n make them e priority in my life when I am jus another 'last straw' option in their life. I was never in their list of being impt. My aunt likes to describe tis phenomenon as being treated like a rubbish bin. Rubbish bins r veri much forgotten in our house. How often do u visit or even spare a sec to take an extra look @ it? They r highly unwanted due to their smell n cleanliness issue. Yet, they r indispensable. I hope tat I am in priority list of e pple who r also on mine.

I do not know if @ my age, I am intelligent enoff to make a wise decision. Afterall, experiences r gain thru time n being wise comes wif experiences. I am still green n veri much lack of experiences when it comes to tokin abt life in general. I hope I am not makin a wrong decision to go for it. To b frank, I am still sitting on e fence. Till date, I am still observing n tryin my best to keep an open mind. I am tryin veri hard to hold myself back to jump into any conclusion abt anyone. Dae after dae, I am still psycho-ing myself tat it is still early. It has been onli 3 weeks! I am takin baby steps to noe pple ard me n being extremely careful not to offend anyone. Who shall be e next one to enter my priority list? We'll see.

Upon reaching tis particular age, I do believe tat many of my peers includin myself, feel tat it is time to grow up! It is time to live up to e 'standards' of our society. Many would emphasize on maturity especially yours truly. Maturity is a big word. It comes wif responsibilities, putting others b4 self & knowing how to behave @ all times. I find myself terrible in area of knowing how to behave. Unglam n aunty 'patterns' jus surface every now n then. To speak e truth, I dislike tis particular side of me. I am makin efforts to cut down n 'get rid' of them eventually. I guess e words 'demanding' n 'perfectionist' best describe me. With tat, it can get veri tiring n difficult to achieve all e standards I hav set for myself as there r too many of them. Perhaps, u might hav notice e change or mayb e change isnt significant enoff. I am still in e process of makin these changes possible. :)

Outing Wif Uni Peeps
I guess I would sae tat with an attendence of 16 pple out of 20 attending a birthdae celebration is amazing. Afterall, it is usually hard to get as many pple as possible to gather n celebrate. We had lots of fun due to Mr Muscle's cam-whoring techniques. It was a massive craze of cam-whoring. I swear I hav not taken so many pics in a dae b4. He tried showing us how we can actually squeeze in as many pple as possible. Everyone was so close to one another trying our best to get into e pic. It was even more crazy when we tried to take a pic while crossing e road when e light had turned red! E worst thing tat had happened was Mr Muscle caught a pic of me laffing wif my mouth opened damn BIG! It was so UNGLAM! I din noe he was snapping when I was laffin like mad away. I hope tat pic dun get leak out to anyone else! If not, I will make his head roll! Due to e endless laughter, I lost all my glam n calm side and my stomach was aching like mad when we were goin home. Goodness...I guess sum did manage to see e 'siao' side of me.
It was reali great n I hope there will b many more to come!

Do stay tuned to look @ e crazy pics on FB! :)

Untitled
At times, emotions can take over you n cause you to react in a way you never wanna it to be. I hav done it over n over again. Only to regret it when it is all too late. E feelin of awkwardness or shy makes me feel uncomfortable which can cause me to react in a horrible way. Tats none other than being angry. It may sounds ridculous to you bcos I myself find it totally unreasonable n absurd. I hav no explaination as to why these r happening. Can sumone enlighten me on this?

Jealousy is e worst feelin in this world. Sum might disagree wif me but in my opinion, it is a feelin which I never wanna hav. It onli brings out e worst in me n makes me do alot of ugly stuff. However, if u ever try to contain tis feelin, it will onli build on inside u over time. Moreover, it is extremely tiring to do so.

An overdosage of sa jiao-ing onli makes gals get irritated wif one another. Also, a fake praise will make pple wanna do a merlion pour. I cant help wanting to roll my eyes when I heard tat. I am thankful I managed to hold it back. It onli make me feel tat it is damn fake n e person is jus tryin her arse off to get into e good looks of e other party. Wipe those fake smiles off. Pls...for god's sake. It onli serves to give other pple e free 'air-con' n little bumps on e surface of e skin. Not to 4get, keep tat 'princess-y' attitude @ home. It jus irks pple off even more.

Close 2 Heart
Joey Mcintyre - Stay The Same

[Chorus]
Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same, cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

[Verse]
I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

[Chorus]
[Bridge]
Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

[Chorus]

I find this song esp. close to my heart. Every single line jus hits me deep. I believe frens would agree tat e paragraph in bold is esp. meaningful to me. I recall listening to this song while travelling on e bus to CPTC. This song realli touched my heart n I teared. Till then, it hasnt failed to make me feel touched.

Stress
I hav lots of readings to catch up. With 9 chapters from diff modules, it is needless to say as to how many hrs I muz put in to finish them. Madness. I am seriously laggin way behind. As if tis isnt bad enoff, I do not noe if I shld b happy or cursing to see my skool mates being so enthusiastic abt their studies. It onli serves as a drivin force to push me on. Afterall, singaporean's kiasu-ism n kiasi-ism r kickin inside me. E tot of laggin behind others in a race jus makes me feel sick. For this, I hav to thank Mr Muscle for being SO enthusiastic abt his studies. I hope he continues to be as enthusiastic to push me to study harder. I bet no one is as enthusiastic as him. *salutes*

Apart frm e amazingly early stress frm skool, events n celebrations r coming up. E next highlight would b e KTV session wif my skool mates on next wed to celebrate our fellow grp mates birthdae. I hope I dun throw my face on tat dae. *keeping my fingers cross*

Will b back to update tis space soon when I hav more inspirations! Do stay tune...

Sensitivity
Frens & peers alwaes comment tat I am over sensitive. Yet, in sum cases, I am fully aware tat I am not. In fact, I feel tat I am pretty psychic. In a conversation, I am able to predict wat e other party is driving at. Although tis doesnt happens all e time, I would hav to sae tat it is almost 99.9999% accurate when it happens. It alwaes warn me of e dangers which are luking ard me. In my opinion, it has to b '6th sense' @ work which most women claims to b extremely accurate. Does ur '6th sense' "protects" u frm e dangers too?

I do not noe if I would hope tat I am being over sensitive or not. At times, I tink I am. However, there are times which I am pretty sure tat I am not. Is it me or....? I hav no idea. I guess it is jus too early to jump into any conclusion. No worries, it is still early n time will b e judge. :)

Quote: Let time b e judge...dun jump into any conclusion yet. Wat is meant to happen will happen eventually. (jus a reminder 4 myself)

Thankful
I am pretty thankful tat I am allocated to tis project group. They r pple tat din cross my mind when I was considering my grp mates. When I knew I was been 'pushed' into tis grp, I was a little skeptical n unhappy as it wasnt reali out of my own will to b in there. Today, after lecture, we had our first mini meeting to decide on which brand we would b workin on for our project. Although it was jus a short session, it showed me e workin dynamics of my grp n how everyone reacts to grp discussions. Things went pretty well n I am glad to hav G as our leader. E veri reason as to y why I am glad to hav G is simply bcos he displayed several characteristics which I felt r impt in a project grp.

Focus. Time-keeper. Open to ideas. These 3 characteristics r relatively impt in different areas of a project work. Personally, I hate being e role of a time-keeper in the grp. It makes me feel like a badie. Cutting off pple's conversations n being an anti-climax r e traits of it. Yet, no one can deny e importance of tis role. I am elated to find out tat I do not need to take on tis role anymore. I am not entirely sure as to how things will progress. However, based on e 1st meeting, we had a good start. I shall keep an open mind n see how things progress over time.:)

On e other hand, I was jus sitting to another grp during lunch n they were having their grp discussion. I was supposedly to b in this grp. Sumone swapped me with another gal reason being she lives nearer to e AMK area. This would facilitate them to find a better common area to meet up for project meetings. *speechless* After sum time, my grp finished our discussion n all of them left except me. I was still tryin hard to finish my Carbonara. To my surprise, e other grp is still stuck @ coming to an decision as to whether to pick a local or international brand for their project. I was pretty shocked as my group had accomplished much decisions made. Whereas for them, they are still actively discussing abt e history of diff brands. (fyi: they refers to onli 2 guys. E other 2 gals were practically quiet) Being an impatient person, I am glad things r moving in my grp. :)

In life, we often dun get wat we want. BUT...wat we receive/get in e end is to teach us a more impt lesson abt life.

Therapy + Hopes
It is often said tat retail therapy works e best when a woman is feelin down. As for me, conversational therapy works e best. Nothin beats jus sitting down @ a cosy place n havin great food n accompany! It has alwaes been a pleasure for me to meet up wif YW and it will alwaes b. Our routine meetup alwaes lasts for more than 5hrs! It isnt hrs n hrs of shoppin or singing. It is purely hrs n hrs of tokin! It feels extremely shiok to me as I love engaging myself in such interactive activities. The best thing abt tis is it doesnt requires alot of energy used on my part. It is an excellent way to know each other better n update each other abt our current lives.

I was feelin extremely haywire for e past few weeks. It has been like tis ever since I was discharged frm e hospital. I am reali glad to meet up wif her n it kinda remove all 'wrong' wires which r running in me. I am feelin much better n thanks for e concern frm Jan. :)

In life, it is alwaes more advisable not to put high hopes on anything. I am not sayin u dun hope or pray for e good things. When u pin ur hopes too high, it can b disastrous when e truth comes to light. Deep inside my heart, I knew very well tat I din fair well for e interview. Still, I was hoping tat e interview was jus a 'routine' tat everyone has to go thru. It hit me pretty hard n I am still tryin to accept e truth. No worries, I am fine. :)

In everyone's life, disappointments is a common thing tat we hav to face. Regardless of ur age, height, skin colour, religion n race, it is sumting tat no one likes. Time n time again, I hav been told to take things lightly n disappointments easily. E onli little theory I hav for myself is every little thing tat has happened in my life for my best. It might sounds a little Ah Q to my readers. However, I hav to say tat it is reali e case.

Last but not least, jus a little quote frm me:

Never forget to look back n reflect. U will attain enlightenment when u do tat. :)