Lost & Found
I can onli promise tat tis would a veri long entry. Might b too dry for anyone to read it. It is to serve as a reminder for myself. To reflect on this entry after completin my temp job.

Looking back @ my previous entries, I feel remorseful for sayin tat my current job is brainless. Today, I come to realise e ans for sum of e qns which is alwaes on my mind since my veri first dae into tis job. Why am I here? Wat am I suppose to learn frm tis position? On e veri first week, I was tasked to sit @ my desk. Yes. U dont hav to b surprised. Simply bcos I wasnt assigned with anythin. In order to keep myself occupied n prevent myself frm dozing off, I sat @ my desk daydreamin n observing pple. I was sitting @ one corner of tis 'huge classroom idea' office of mine. Hence, it gave me a veri good view of e all other pple in the office. It was a good location to b in as I was on a look out to see if there is any good-lookin man in e office. One of e cheeky engineers caught my eye.

Into e 2nd week, I was assigned wif sum tasks but they were on an ad-hoc basis. As I had been sittin ard n rottin for one week, I bcame fearful of havin nothin to do. Tryin to b a smart aleck, I almost landed myself in trouble. I was surfing ard n doin anythin which is possible with e usage of my boss acc. Havin sumone keepin you in close watch is definately sickening. Tis colleague of mine who loves to use e word "Boss" tried to scare me with several attempts. However, I got to sae it wasnt tat effective to me. I knew all along she was tryin to scare me. I hav seen pple like her in my previous workin experience at other companies. Finally, @ e end of e week, my email acc n SAP were set up n ready to b used.

3rd week. I cursed under my breath. Wat e hell did tis company hire me for? I questioned myself abt my existence in the company. I felt as if I was wasting my life away. I took a break in between my current job n e previous one. 3 months. In my opinion, a break is meant to help u recharge urself but 3 months is too long to b considered as a break. Tt was more like a hibernation period for me. I wasted 1/4 of a yr of my life away rottin @ home n not learnin anythin. I din wanna to waste my time anymore. Finally, e wait was over. Boss came to me with a list of figures to b changed in e SAP. In total, there are over 4000 figures to b changed. Boss told me tat there would b a target set for me. I was supposed to change all e figures in e SAP by end of June. Boss went on to further break down e target set for me on a daily basis. I went on to make e changes accordingly.

I hav to sae that my current is veri much alike to my attachment. Both companies were US MNC. E pple n environment are pretty similar too. Esp. tis particular colleague of mine whom I had to work wif. Her character is veri much similiar to my ex female sup @ SP. She simply reminds me of my female sup. I hav come to understand why I land myself in tis job, why I meet e same idiotic pple in e office n why I get myself into e same old shit. Its a test tat Heaven had set for me. I din pass e test previous time. In fact, I failed terribly e previous time. Tis time I am goin to conquer tis learning curve again. Heaven is kind enoff to give another chance to learn frm my mistake n grow up to b a better person. One thing for sure, I cant perform well under pressure and time is alwaes a constraint. My current job does not impose any pressure on me as e task given to me is veri simple n time is sumting I hav control over it.

Reflectin upon my attachment, I got to say tat I realli learn alot frm there. It was beyond wat I had imagine it to b. I learn abt technical stuff, workin culture, workin environment, human relations n most impt of all, myself! I was put to test time after time. I remembered how I grumble over e amt of work n wat I had to do. Through it all, it shown me wat r my weakness and wat r my strength. In e past, I absolutely hav no idea wat are my strengths . Now, I hav to thank all e pple I met n all e crap tat I went thru as it revealed to me more abt myself. I hav a better idea of wat my strengths r n e weakness which I never tot tat exist in me.

Today, my weakness was put to test once again. Different instructions were given to me by different pple. One was given by my boss, another was from my colleague. Which shld I follow? It may seems simple. But I hav no idea why I got so stressed over it. At e end of e dae, I decided to clarify it wif my boss. In short, I got to learn how to take instructions frm my superior. It may sound like a simple thing to do. To me, it does have its own difficulty. E reason is I hav a tendency to try to compromise everyone. Yet, in life, we all understand that we are unable to do so.

Also, I hav to train myself not to rush. Take my time to do e task so as not to make any careless mistakes. I am an ultra careless person. I know tat I tend to make careless mistake n overlook small details. All these small details can make a hell lot of difference! Do e job rite for once n I would not need to repeat it. :) I got to constantly remind myself over this.

Above all, e best thing tat Heaven has grant me wif is e $$ I am earning frm tis job. I hav been prayin hard as I would need to mend e hole in my pocket. It is gettin bigger in size as time goes by. My current job not onli allows me to mend e hole but it also another "full sponsored" learning opportunity. I gonna make good use of it n not tink tat there is nothin which I can learn frm my job. E best lesson learnt is to learn frm my own mistakes n not to allow it to happen again.

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Just today, I found out tat my ex male sup in SP got promoted to manager! WOW! I am truly inspired by him. I do still remember how hard he tried to survive in tat place. I understand how tough it is as I went thru a similar one @ another place. Frm e bottom of my heart, I looked up to him. Finally, he managed to see e rainbow after e rain! :)

JY: Now u understand y I told tat I will b fine? I hav seen e worst. So, this is reali nothin. Thanks for e sweet sms e other day. U realli brighten my dae. I wil DEFINATELY spare tat dae off ESP. for U! Cant wait to go "dating" wif u again! *winks*

Confused
I feel veri confused over many matters. As I hav mentioned to JY b4, it wont b easy for me to let go. Time do heals n memories of e past do fade. However, there r certain things in life which do leave a mark behind. Of cos, I would sae this includes pple too. They leave a pair of footprints behind.

How is my life? I would sae nothin realli good or terrible happened. U can sae its jus like a black n white movie as of now. Plain boring. Black n white movies do hav its good points. At e veri least, they r stable n trouble-free. :) I am no longer losing sleep due to e longing for sumone. Simply bcos I am too tired to do anythin once I hit my bed. I tried every way n means to tire myself out. Currently holdin onto 2 jobs isnt easy @ all. After one finishes, e other one comes along. I hav to admit tat I am pretty sadist. I love e fact tat I am too tired to even stay awake for a single sec. I love to pack my life wif so many activities tat it literally kills me. In tis way, I wont cry, feel sad...feel lost...

我怀念我失去的...

Feelin Grouchy
E lack of communication in office is puttin a toil on me. I need to tok to sumone veri badly. I am so used to b on e phone wif my vendors or communicatin wif my other colleagues to find out more abt their needs. As of now, I am tasked wif e cleanup of e SAP of e DU (Delivery Unit). Its a totally brainless task. I would hav to admit tat I am a veri ex temp staff. Both YW n I tinks tat we r suckin quite alot of $$ frm e co. So, I hav to admit I am sastisfied in terms of e pay. In fact, I am veri happy wif e pay. Other than e attractive lookin digits, nothin else motivates me to b in tis position. I would sae its jus another number game.

In short, pls dun feel paiseh to disturb me during workin hours. U r absolutely welcome by me. I hav sumone in mind whom I can get to entertain me during workin hours. Our sms-es can go on for hours. *hp vibrates* However, I din wanna to give e person any wrong idea. I hav done e wrong thing once. Once is more than enoff for me to learn my lesson n slap myself hard wif guilt. Gettin e person to b in e same shit again is too painful n torturous for anyone. I shall let fate decide how life will b. :)

Attraction?
Or wrong radar msg?

^_^
I alwaes hav tis lost feelin when it comes to bloggin. I guess it is bcos I find it hard to express wat I wanna sae. Was surfin ard n blog hoppin ard. I happened to chance upon sumone's blog n found a pretty meaningful n interesting quote tat e person came up wif. E super gek kiang me decided to change it abit to make it suit me. Here it goes:

"I guess I made it too easy for anyone to walk in & out of my life."

Personally, I feel veri much for tis statement. I hav alwaes grumble abt how much I feel tat others hav taken me for granted. Esp. to those whom hav a placing in my heart. Of cos, e onli love ones who hav not taken me for granted r my family members. Other than tat, I find myself havin to change my schedule to fit into others. This only results in makin myself lookin nice. Tats e nice way to interpret it. Whereas, we can oso interpret it as desperate. Desperate to meet up to b exact. Tat oso reminds me of wat my gor told me once. Bcos I am willing to go e extra mile for others, it makes e other party feel tat they r special. Does it sound like a reali gd virtue to u? On e other hand, I end up feelin hurt bcos pple will tend to take me for granted. Then, I will end up being e one alwaes givin in. I alwaes wanna pple ard me to take me seriously. Things like makin a pt to call me for meet ups instead of me doin it. To add on more salt onto my wound, I hav pple askin me "U will hav pple who will call u one meh?" Tat totally kill me literally. Sumhow I feel so happy whenever pple jio me for meet ups. But it HARDLY happens. I am alwaes e one who suggest it. Leavin me wif envy whenever my cousin hav frens who called her up for meet up sessions. I wouldnt sae she had many frens. Jus a handful. I would sae she is jus meetin e same old few everytime. I dun mind meetin e same old few. E tot of havin sumone to call u jus feel gd. Knowin u r remembered.

I guess I onli got myself to blame for being too nice to the others @ times. I dun wish to sae everythin up front. Simply bcos I dun wish to appear like a lunatic holdin a card which reads "Desperate 4 accompany / I am jus damn thick-skinned." I will learn to treat myself better which in turns will treat pple ard me more nasty in e sense of not givin in so readily anymore.

2 weeks into my temp job. I reali wish to get away frm tis colleague of mine. She is highly charged wif electrons. Havin lunch n breaks wif her ard is a chore to me. Lunches n breaks r meant to recharge u n not to drain u. I feel even more drained after lunches n breaks. She is givin out electrons every single sec as u listen to her. No matter how many protons I hav wif me, I am bound to b negatively charged one dae at tis rate it is goin. I will end up using all my protons n become negatively charged. I dun wanna b negatively charged. At least not for now. Currently sourcing for lunch khakis. However, I might not b able to get out. Cos other depts r oso filled wif woman n 1 pathetic man. *gossips flyin high in e sky*


I din noe I appear to b sad to e others. It was onli wat a lady who works in e canteen asked me a qn tat dawn onto me tat I hav been pretty stingy wif my smiles. I am sorry I cant b generous wif my smiles as I find nothin worth smiling or funny to me. Feelin down bcos I hav no one to tok to. I dun wanna b engaged in those gossipy toks. It onli gets me into trouble n does me no good. I guess communicatin is sumting pretty impt in a person's life. Esp. for me! I dread e tot of not tokin. Simply bcos I love to tok! Tat explains y tis entry is so DARN long.

I remembered e daes where I hav a 'U' shape hangin on my face rather than a 'n'. Pple commented tat those muz hav been e happiest daes of my life. Yeah...indeed. I guess whether u r happy or unhappy wif ur life, pple can see it. I will TRY to smile more for e upcomin week. Hopefully, heaven will grant me more chances n topics to steal a few sec for exchange of words.


On a side note, I wont sae wat *****ing is. Over my dead body. :)

Glad / Not Glad?!
I dunno whether to b glad or not to b glad tat I hav remain single for e past 21yrs of my life. When I see how my peers suffers after a break up, I feel realli glad n relieved tat I hav not been thru one. I cant imagine e pain n wat I will do if I am in tat situation. Yet, when I see my peers blissfully in love on V Day, I feel e sense of urge and hope to b in love too.

In Love?

Not In Love?

Choose One...

I would choose *****ing.

Cant Help It
2nd dae into my job. Seen a few similar faces which leads me to other sickening problems in my life. I cant seems to stop tinkin abt tat person. BUT WAIT! B4 u jump rite into any conclusion who tat person is...u actually dunno. There r pple in my life whom I hav never mention to any of my frens. Yet, they r equally impt to me in my heart. I jus keep tinkin of tat person who is unfortunately another "him" n e times spent together. I cant seems to snap outta it. Caught in e past.

I cant stop bio-ing @ tis person. Every break I hav...I see him in e canteen. Cos he reminds me of tat person. If u see who tis person is....u will b lookin like tis -> O_O. Y in e world do I hav tis weird craze for pple of tis pattern? Wat pattern? Its for me to noe n for u guess. Cos I wont even let u find out! *sinister laff*

B4 workin, I tot workin will help. I tot workin will help me to stop tinkin of those few pple whom I miss badly. (I am sorry ladies. Ur r not in e list as mentioned before) I'm a well-known heavy colour light fren person. :) Haha... Unfortunately, it onli makes things worst. I tot tat by lookin @ handsome MAN would help too. Unfortunately, there isnt much handsome MAN in my co even though my office is darn big n many engineers sits in here. Onli flirts. Interesting catchy lines. I oredi identified one potential flirt. Another bei bei who wears a pair of yellow glasses. Keep lookin @ young ladies. Haha...

So....I shall carry on wif my bio-ing of guys. Dun b too jealous okie! Mostly uncles here lah...not much left for me to bio. I hope to see @ least ONE handsome man. Feelin deprived of lookin @ guys. Workin world is filled wif man....guys got stuck in NUS, NTU, SIM, SMU & NS.

Workin world is cruel n sad. Feel so demoralise when my colleague taught me sumting todae. I jus cant seems to get it. Its pretty confusing. When I question her while she is workin, she sounded irritated. I feel stupid. I dun mean to keep question-ing her...I jus dun get it. Cos she left out sum impt things! Heng...my other colleague kinda enlighten me. Showed me sum ropes. :( Its sad bcos u cant share ur probs wif pple n pple dun realli care abt u. To them, u r jus another competitor. Colleagues will alwaes b colleagues. How true. Now I understand y he sae tat. UNLESS u leave e co n do still keep in close contact. I can onli sae tat it is darn hard according to my own experience.

Off to zzzzz. More things to learn in e daes ahead! Hopefully...more MAN for me to bio too! :)

Quiz
RED = Power

You are driven by an unsatisfiable desire for power. You have a strong will and are capable of overcoming obstacles that would stop others. You want things done your way. You enjoy a pleasant and vibrantly colorful environment, and are interested in many areas of life. You have great vision and strong leadership skills. You are responsible, decisive, and assertive; but you can also be arrogant, overbearing and insensitive.

GREEN = Money

You are driven by money. You work hard to get what you want. You are very strong-willed and determined and can accomplish much when left alone and undisturbed. You are also capable of relaxing and enjoying the finer things in life, and have an eye for art. You are responsible, decisive, and proactive; but you can also be aggressive, selfish and obnoxious.

WHITE = Peace

You seek peace and independence. You try to avoid confrontation at all costs. Feeling good is more important than being good. You are quiet and a good listener. You ask little of others and resent others who try to control you. You are even-tempered, diplomatic, and a voice of reason; but can also be indecisive and silently stubborn.

YELLOW = Fun

You want to have fun in life and want to look good. To you, life is a party. You want instant gratification. You are an original thinker, are easy-going and enjoy the finer things in life with an eye for art. You can be easily distracted and do not sit still for long. You are happy, optimistic, charismatic, spontaneous, and sociable; but you can also be irresponsible and forgetful.

BLUE = Relations

You want to connect with people and build deep relations. You want to be understood and appreciated. You are a do-gooder and have a refined sense of beauty. You are capable of persisting against all odds when determined to reach a goal. You have distinct preferences and can be very controlling. You are sincere, thoughtful, dependable, and analytical; but you can also be worry-prone and moody.

Haha... I tink e above quiz results fits me veri well. Esp. those in BOLD. Even more true for those in BOLD + ITALICS! I bet my frens muz b noddin their heads in unison!

hidininthedarkcorner's Existing Situation

Sensuous. Inclined to luxuriate in the things which give gratification to the senses, but rejects anything tasteless, vulgar, or coarse.

hidininthedarkcorner's Stress Sources

Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than those which she imposes of herself or by her own choice and decision.

hidininthedarkcorner's Restrained Characteristics

Has high emotional demands and is willing to involve herself in a close relationship, but not with any great depth of feeling.
The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.

hidininthedarkcorner's Desired Objective

Her need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes her restless and she is driven by her desires and hopes. May try to spread her activities over too wide a field.

hidininthedarkcorner's Actual Problem

Feels restricted and prevented from progressing; seeking a solution which will remove these limitations.

Another pretty true one for me. Freedom is sumting I realli crave for...close relationships is sumting I reali wish to hav too! But not in great depth. I dun tink I wanna commit into one now. :)

Goodbye 2 Poverty
Ha! Finally...a 'happier' entry on my blog. I got myself a job on e Fri tat went by. I was offered the position on e spot and was told to start work on the next workin dae. Yup...u may b "Wow-ing" away. Its a temp position...tats e reason y. 4 months. I got to commit for 4 months. I hope I can still spare sum time out to go on a date wif JY. Heehee... Do try to fly back to SG jus to kill me...e both of u. Haha...

Apart frm tat, I realise I haven meet up wif YW for sum time. I hope we can meet real soon. I wonder how she is doin n wat position her company had offered her. On my side, I hav tis 'story' which I am dyin to share wif her. I noe I shldnt even tok abt it anymore. Jus let it go would seems to b e best solution for me...for everyone (to save their poor ears frm my constant %^&%$^&)...for anyone who might b involved. Alright...I better stop her b4 I turn tis entry into another one of my many emo entries.

Pple constantly ask me tis qn, "Wat issit tat u r not happy abt?" or "Why u so sad again?". Then, as usual, I will give my never-endin 'speech'. For me, its realli hard to find tat tiny bit of happiness again. Mayb bcos I am a perfectionist. I strive to get e best even though I noe I dun look like one @ all. Mayb bcos I am veri self critical. I carry bags n bags of 'luggage' on my back n walk thru tis life of mine. Whenever I make a mistake, I jus cant seems to forget it. It operates like a VCR in my memory. Repeatin itself bcos there isnt a 'Stop' button on it. Thanks for e occasional sms to remind me to b happy. (PS: I placed an Eeyore bside me while I am sleepin which has a ribbon on it sayin "Keep Smiling :)" Haha...)

I wont allow myself to cry over it again...
I believe I can do it again...