I am an Impatient Person
I guess I am an impatient person. I cant stand e tot of waitin. Esp. when I dunno wat I am waitin for. It is like eternity! I dun see an end to it. Goodness. Its a horrible feelin. I gave up once bcos of tis. Oso partly due to e fact tat I am not confident of myself. Tis time, I guess it would e same again. I regret not waitin e other time. I wonder wat it would b for tis time. Let time do e tokin again. Sick of waiting. Sick of being proactive and being sumone whom I am not. I am definately not tat 'loud' as many hav tot me to b. I do hav my own quiet times. It is jus tat I dislike to display tat side of me. Tat emotional + helpless side. It onli makes feel like a weakling which I hate to tink tat I am one. I jus dun wanna anyone to see tat side of me.
I guess it is karma. It is time to make me feel tis way. Since I hav done tis to sumone way back in time. Well done. Karma is knockin on my door. I hav learnt my lesson n shall repend on it.
Hav u ever wonder y there r sum frenships which never seems to b affected even when ur decided to progress beyond tat? I alwaes wonder. I hav seen too many couples broke up n ended up like strangers when they met again. I feel sad for them. Afterall, e other party used to b sumone who understands u best. Yet, @ tis point in time, he / she seems so distant like ur never knew each other @ all n e situation jus seems so awkward. I jus simply dun understand y e both of us can still b frens even after wat I hav done. Its miraculous to me. Although we din progress beyond, I alwaes tot tat we can never b frens again. I feel terrible each time I tot of wat I hav done. It eats into me. I noe I hav done sumting pretty terrible. However, I din regret my decision. In fact, I feel tat if I had made e other choice, I might b regrettin now as I feel tat we wont last. I am jus glad tat we r still frens. I feel apologetic over wat had happened. I hav no idea if we would feel awkward if we do meet up as we hav not met ever since wat had happened. How can anyone still console me after wat I had done onto him / her? Its jus makes me even more terrible. I hope we can maintain tis way. I enjoy wat it is like rite now.
Lookin @ e other frenship, it seems similar to e previous one. But...theres more intimacy in e past as compared to e previous one. However, look @ us now. We r like strangers. I feel e awkwardness even jus tokin on msn. I can feel tat I am e onli one tryin to get e conversation on going. Y? I alwaes ask myself. Y cant we jus b like e previous one? Still mantain frens. Afterall, e role is being switched ard. Or mayb we hurt each other. First, I was e one being hurt. Then, e position got switched. Will time help to mend tis frenship or bring a further gap between us? Let fate decide for us. I am tired of it. Afterall, it takes 2 hands to make a clap. I reali wish 2 b able to keep it goin even if it is jus a tiny bit.
Last of all, I wonder y I hav e urge to meet sum frens in person. Yet, for e others, its like it is perfectly fine even if I dun get to meet them. Is it bcos I dun treasure them as much? Hence, e fact tat we dun meet is okie? I dunno. There is one in particular. I tot I would realli wanna meet up. But...come to tink of it, nope. I dun realli wish to. Its pure weirdness to go out for jus e 2 of us. Dunno wat to sae, dunno wat to do. I bet e other party feels e same too.
In conclusion, I feel tat I dun reali understand guys afterall. They r jus weird creatures livin on e same piece of island as I do. Yet, I hav to work wif these creatures. Even better still, I actually like one outta e many creatures ard. Mayb bcos of e fact tat I dun understand them well, hence it is intriguing to like one n try to understand them. Wat a weird theory. Haha...
