Loneliness
Tats e feelin I reali dread these daes. Fill my daes wif events...make me smile. Dun leave me alone...cos I am afraid to tink. Mayb it is due to PMS, I feel reali lost. I no longer noe wat I wanna do wif my life.

My parents sae I am onli a grown up upon marriage. *rolls eyes* Pardon me. I dun understand e logic. Ha! Then might as well ask me to dun get married. How to get married when u dun even hav e chance to romance wif ur other half? Tats my reply. As much as I try to b e obedient gal...I am missing out quite a fair bit of things I wanna pursue in life. I am tired. I jus wanna do wat I wanna. As much as u sae tat I am given e freedom to do wat I wanna. But...with restrictions set, then where is e freedom? Is tat freedom too? How do one define freedom? Does anyone understand wat I desire? I guess no one does.

I am reali confused n lost. I find expressin myself is gettin increasingly difficult for me. Jus passin a comment or tokin abt facts r much easier. But abt wat is goin on within me...it is so hard. I feel so unhappy. Nearly cried @ work. I cant take e loneliness anymore. I need sumone to tok to me. E lack of communication is drivin me nuts. I realli wanna throw tat letter soon. I am sorry if I disappoint anyone. I cant take it anymore.

I DREAD OF WORK...I DUN WANNA GO BACK TO WORK. I DUN WANNA FACE THOSE PPLE. CAN ANYONE MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?

Come 2 Terms Wif It
Was readin my archives. I realise tat I alwaes complain abt how boring life is. :P Yeah...it is boring still. I guess there is a missin piece in my life...jus like a puzzle. Lack of 1 piece. Hmmm...I keep havin tis desire in me. Tats to get myself workin towards sumting...sumting ambitious. I wanna myself to b real busy...workin makes me feel more useful. Being busy leaves me less time to tink...to tink of those things which I shldnt.

I hav come to terms wif it. I realli tink I no longer feel anythin for Andrew. :) Finally revealed who he is. I tot over it again n again. Over these few yrs, I kept askin myself, if wat I feel for him is like or love. Love...is too strong a word to use. Like...yes, I do like him. E craziest crush I ever had. I am havin another silly one now. Bleahx. Sumhow, I am kinda amused by those silly actions I did back in those daes. Lookin back...I feel tat I am so childish. Those things tat I hav done...r not goin to get me anywhere. Its time to let tat silly tot of mine go. Life has to go on... I shld let it go in order to pursue for better things in life. :) E way I reason it out on myself as to why I no longer like him is weird. Haha... Cos we din realli tok b4...so, u can sae we din realli spend time together. If tats e case, then why r u attract to him? Dun reali noe how to explain how I reason it out. Afterall it is not impt. Since I hav reason it out, I shld move on wif life n live my life e way I wanna it to b. Reach out for e thing I wanna in my life. As to y I can like him for so damn long...I dunno e reason myself. Almost 9 yrs. I am amazed myself.

Yup yup. Stupid me gettin into another crazy crush. How I noe? Cos it has been so darn long ever since I feel tis way. E anxiety in me to see him jus gets better of me. I jus cant concentrate on other stuff other than tinkin abt him. My heart jus cant pump @ e normal pace. It goes faster than it shld b. E urge to see him drives me nuts. I am damn screwed.

I hav nothin great to give u
I am not rich
I am not pretty
E only thing which I tink is of value tat I can give is...
Time.

I wanna to b there for u in everythin u do
Share your happiness n woes
Able to see tat diff side of u
E childish side
E manly side

Bloggin Frm Office
Yupz. I am in e office rite now. Feelin damn sian of workin here. Comtemplatin to leave. I noe I do hav a part to play for being unable to get into their "gang". But...e age gap here is disgusting. My colleagues are aged frm 30++ to 50++. Yupz. Tats e age grp. Sum r hittin 40...sum r hittin 50. I even got colleagues hitting 60. Goodness. Sumhow...I dun appear to b like "their kid". Cos thats wat happens when I head down to Maju Camp. Those pple there takes me as "their kid" cos I am SO young to them. Back in SP too.

Boss not in todae...got managerial meeting. Doin appraisal. So...my colleagues r "playin" ard lah. Slackin...me oso lah. Haha...not stupid. :P

Now on FM933 playin e song 理想情人. Who is ur 理想情人? In e past, everytime tis song is played...he appears in my mind. >_< Haiz...I need more opportunities n time. Pls...I pray tat pple wont come n interrupt anymore.

K lah...got to siam liao. Off to work. SIAN 2 e MAX! See ya ard.

Marriage?
Ha! Dun worry...I am not goin to get married. Not tis early...but I will open my eyes to keep a lookout. Esp. so in tis yr! O_O Cos...heehee...tis yr got more tao hua yun. Tats wat e TV sae lah...n how sum other pple interpret for my chinese horoscope. But I got to sae...it is VERI true lah! Hee... E flip side is gettin involved in many relationship problems wif pple. Not abt BGR lah...but in general.

Yup...havin a great deal wif my colleagues over here. I dun even noe how did I offend sum of them! Din even tok to e gal b4! Amazing. I jus got "hate me" look? But I am tellin myself tis...on a daily basis...or whenever I feel tat "anger" is goin to knock on my door..."Heck lah...I jus wanna e $$ to come into my bank account @ e end of e month n learn as much as possible!" Yeah...tis is e attitude tat I am tryin to keep. BUT...I got to sae it is difficult. Knowing tat everyone in e office is goin to e other canteen to eat...but apparently no one jio u along. Tat feelin sux. I dun wanna to b so thick-skinned n jus tag along. I am turning cold blooded...freezing my emotions...so tat I wont even feel a single thing. U can sae tat cos I am dao to them...I jus cant seems to mix ard with them. Onli with e few... I noe I got to change tis mindset. I hav no idea wat to comment on. Or rather I am jus not in e mood. Or mayb I need more time? Y am I back to tis state? E state which I alwaes dread to b in...fear to b in... No matter how hard I try to hang on...no matter how strong I appear to b...in fact, I am not wat u tink I am. I do break down @ times...is jus tat u din see it. It doesnt meant tat I dun. I do wish to get out. But...I dunno how to.

Opps. Got carried away abt work. Jus watch e 9pm show jus now. They were sayin tat a couple has to be moving @ e speed...in terms of "growin up". If one moves slower than e other, then there would b a gap n they will fall apart. I do agree with tis! So...in another words, age...height...looks...all these dun realli matters in a relationship. Instead...e mentality is wat tat matters most. R ur in e same freq? Hav u ever tried walkin beside a guy? I guess everyone would sae...of cos lah! DUH! But hav u met one who dun makes u feel tis way...u dun feel tat u walkin too slow...u dun feel tat u r walkin too fast...u r jus walkin @ ur normal pace...but ur r walkin in coordination! Well...I dunno if u understand wat I am tryin to sae. I did went out wif guys alone b4. Sum...complain I walk too slow. Sum...complain I walk too fast. I jus had a hard time tryin to accomodate to their speed of walking. Hardly...do I find anyone whom I walk wif...I feel so comfortable...cos e speed is jus rite for me. Onli...him. I walked bside him several times. But we r not alone. We r in a grp. Not even once did I feel tat I am tryin to accomodate to his speed. Or did I do so subconsciously? We r jus in e rite pace for each other. Mayb he was e one accomodating me tis time. HAHA. I believe tat e "freq" or "mentality" tat I hav mentioned above is similar to walking. Cos they r all tokin abt speed.

Sum time back...he was sharing his goal in his life. Same as mine! Almost e same...jus tat his goal is way bigger than mine. Lolx. I nearly wanna tell him tat I feel veri much e same way as he does. I alwaes wish tat I can find sumone who shares e same goal as me...helpin me n in e mean time...oso help him to fulfill it. Sumhow...onli he seems to understand wat e heck am I tokin abt. I noe tat I am terrible @ expressin myself...even explainin oso CMI. Sumhow...he understands...n helps me to explain to e others ard. He alwaes seems to noe which words to use to fully explain wat I wanna express. Other than him...e other person is my cousin. Not many pple understand my cranky way of expressing myself. Isnt it great to hav such a person? Helpin u to express wat u wanna express? Its a terrible feelin when u cant express wat u wanna express. Sumtimes...I give up on explaining. Not bcos I am not keen...but it leaves me with more frustration if @ e end of it...still...no one understands! GRR!

If onli...he knew all tis... SIGH! I dun tink he noes e existence of my blog. Cos he dun seems like tat kind who will go blog hopping. Or...he doesnt noe tat I am tokin abt him. :( I wish to noe more...much much more. It is gettin me into trouble! Bad... But such similarity onli makes me yearn more. I am damn damn damn screwed tis time.

My heart feels so empty...
Like a pocket with a hole
No matter how much love was put into it
All slips thru it...
E emptiness is killin me softly...

I cant recall when did I last laugh happily frm e bottom of my heart...
If u were to realli ask to ponder over it...
I would sae...it was e time I had dinner @ Newton Circus
Wif my colleagues n manager n supervisor from SP.

Update...
Had an amazing experience recently. Amazin...cos I din expect it to happen to me. @ least in tis life. First time experiencing tis...1st time in 20 yrs. LOL. Life seems to b changin for e better? I hope so.

Went blog hoppin jus now. Sum time back...I manage to put e whole entire idea of goin overseas to study behind me. Now...it is comin back again. ARGH! *dreads* Frens r leavin me one by one. For a better place though...I hate such departures. But I guess there is alwaes an end to everythin.

To e both of ur: Jus to let e both of ur noe...thanks for being part of my life. Leavin ur footprints behind...makin my poly life a memorable one. Of cos...those crazy stuff we do. *screams* I realli hope tat I can drop by sum dae in Aussie to visit ur. *prays $$$ drop frm sky*

Cousin left for HK trip yesterdae. Awww...I cant wait for e Taiwan trip in late Oct or Nov. It has been 10 yrs...tats e veri last time I got on a plane! Yup...tat was oso my first time takin a plane! Sounds pathetic huh? I did travel for e past 10 yrs. But...e trips were all to MALAYSIA. :( I wanna take a plane n fly off to another foreign land. I believe my frens all know HOW MUCH I yearn to go! Guess wats e craziest dream I hav recently??!! Tats...my company will send me to Aussie to work! Oh well...cos my company had been sold to an Australian Company! Tat happens last yr! SO...no one noes how is e bonus is goin to b like for tis yr. It is comin soon! :D *send me off send me off to aussie*

IF...fate has decided to send me off to aussie to work. PLS....I beg of u...dun let me find a bf before tat! I dun wanna to b stuck @ makin decisions again! It is terrible...it tears me apart. Haha...I am daydreamin. :P Heee...

Tats all for now...see ya!

Untitled
I hav tis feelin tat I wont hav tat special feelin for anyone for a long time. Lookin @ my social circle...nah. I dun tink so. Am I havin tat special feelin for him? I wonder if it counts. Sumhow...e feelin is no longer so intense. Makin me feel so nervous tat I cant bring myself to speak. Or issit better tis way? In tis way, I can b who I am n I will b able to assess him wif a clear mind. Oh well...I dunno if it is a one-sided thing. Issit a one-sided thing? Or issit a mutual feelin? :P I veri much wanna hav sum time alone wif him chatting. Unfortunately...it is alwaes set in such a way tat sumone will come n interrupt our conversation. Either to look for him or me.... GRR! I guess tis is another one of my longest crush to date. Abt 3 yrs oredi? It was crush @ first sight? Haha... Time realli flies...I took tis long to pluck up enoff courage to engage in a proper conversation wif him. Previously, I either end up trippin over words or appearing super gan cheong / too eager to answer e qn asked quickly. Cos I was too nervous. I guess I am realli bad when it comes to such stuff. SHY SHY SHY! To date, I hav 2 guys askin me...y r u so shy?! Errr...I hav no idea. I jus hav e tendency to look away or hide my face. I AM SORRY! I dun mean to appear dao...cos I am SHY!

Expressing my feelings is one hell of a problem to me. I dun realli noe how to express myself to let e other party noe I am interested...not appearin desperate or too eager. I guess I will wait n see how first. I hope to sense positive feelings. Wish me luck!

Recently...I am gettin more n more bold. I dunno y. I got tis"Aiyah...heck lah! I wont noe unless I try" or "Jus do it lah" mentality. Hence, it leads me to doin alot of things @ e spur of e moment. Sumtimes...I do regret. I am regrettin wat I did on last Sat. Yet, @ times, I am surprised by e results. *mesmerising over tat Fri* I yearn more n more. Man...I am greedy. I am hungry over e feelin of knowin more. :P I noe I am pretty screwed. U dun hav to remind me.

不管你用什么方式表明
我会对你说我愿意

PS: Long time since I write such things in my blog. :P Pls bear wif me. Heehee...