Angry Wif Myself
I tot I am okie wif touchy guys. I guess I am not. Now...I noe. I guess I like e feelin of being respected. Not havin sumone invading into my personal space. Oh well...u may sae I am shy. But I guess e close-ness...comfort level is earned thru time.

I am angry wif myself that I did not take e advice AGAIN...my instincts gave me n underestimated sumone. Or did I expect too much? Basic respect...issit too much? I guess not.
I can onli sae tat...
I guess todae is e 1st n will b e last?
Unless...I bump into tat sumone in e streets...
Then I tink I cant siam rite?

I was still blaming myself for misjudging tat sumone...
I guess I din.
I feel stupid.
Never in my life hav felt so uncomfortable...invaded too much.
I nearly wanna scream @ tat moment.
I dun see y I shld try to put up wif it when I noe clearly I dun feel comfortable.
Comfort level is one hell of a thing I realli put into consideration when I am hang out wif pple...
Whether I feel happy or glad hangin out wif e person oso plays a part.
Happy? I am not exactly happy...but I got to admit I did feel good, pampered n well taken care of.
I do feel glad abt e little things tat was in tat sumone's consideration list. Things tat I myself veri much overlook.
But e discomfort tat oso comes along is jus too much for me to take.
Shld I sae tat she is lucky tat sumone dun give a damn abt her tantrums?
Or am I e stupid one?
Now...if she ever comes to confront me, (which I doubt so) I will tell her..."U can hav it...I use my both hands n give it up to u."

Mayb e way pple perceive me in tis way...BUT...I am not. Definately not. Not sumone who clubs often...not one hell of a person who enjoys being physical. I dunno wat I did gives tat impression. Kinda affected by tis. Though I dream of havin sumone who cares n pampers me. But I tink genuine care n concern is veri diff frm being physical. I absolutely dread e tot of a guy touchin me unnecessarily. Though I usually dun show my displeasure...it does not meant tat I am okie wif it. Hands...head...is okie. Anythin more than tat...NO WAY! It makes me feel like I kena molested. I noe it is not so serious. But I jus dun feel good. Esp. when I dun realli know that person. Call me conservative...pessimistic... I dun give a damn.

I veri much wanted to b help but I guess tis isnt e way...

Sorry?
I feel quite bad. Mayb I cant b blamed? Cos...e person lied. I tot everythin e person told was real. It did cross my mind tat e person might b lying. But...I reason it out myself tat I see no reason y e person shld lie. I feel bad. Argh. Y did u lie? Ego?! Oh man...wats there to b pai seh abt tis? @ least...I told u e truth. Yup...it is realli ZERO! Hmm...I noe e person wont b readin tis. But jus to find a place to release e uncomfortable feeling I hav.

Hmm... Lets wait n see ba... Alrites...tats all for now. See u!

Untitled
I realli like e way things r now. I love my life. I feel veri driven abt my job due to e fact tat my manager gave me a project to handle. I will b embarkin on a brand new journey. I wanna grab tis oppportunity n try to learn as much as I can. Givin off my best. I feel tat I am not givin my best. Feelin disappointed wif myself. :( I will strive harder in e followin week! Jia you! Cant slack anymore! Honeymoon has come to an end.

As for *heart* life, I pretty enjoy e way things r now. I noe I am repeating myself. :P Let things falls into place ba. I am not askin for more. Cant imagine if... I guess I might not b able to hang on so well. Its all bcos... Makin a diff in my life. :) I hope happiness will come knockin on the door lookin for u soon. U might not noe...but it DID serve as a pillar @ tis point in my life.

E feelin is so different tis time. I no longer feel tat so ******* anymore. I feel okie. In fact, I feel so comfortable n glad. Its a feelin of calm-ness. BUT...I jus dun understand y MUZ PPLE INTERRUPT @ e WRONG time?! Pissed! Can never hold a proper one. Alwaes kena interrupted. Not fated? I actualli took e initiative! I cant believe myself. It wasnt as scary as I imagined it to b. I guess tis is due to e fact tat there r positive responses? I was so eager to speak more...but din realli manage to find e chance. @ least...I did wat I hope to do. I feel tat I am who I am todae...not puttin a false front. Laff when I wanna...enjoying e accompany.

Oh well... I understand tat u muz b lookin like tis now....--> ?_? Hehee... *SECRET LAH* I wont elaborate. *happiness* Let things b more stable first... Actualli I oso dunno when can I conclude it as stable. I jus dun feel confident enoff to declare anything. I jus wanna things to either progress for e better or remain. I am sastisfied tis way.

Shld I?
Shld I bring it to greater heights? Or shld I jus remain e current status...or even bring it lower? Of cos...e safest way out is to bring it down so tat I will hav more time to play wif. In addition, to allow myself noe if there is realli a possibility of bring it to greater heights in time to come.

Hmm...I tink I will remain e current status n try to bring it lower @ e rite time. Give me more time to understand. :) If u r e one...things will fall into place. Alrite...tats all for now.

PS: I guess ur kinda understand wat I am tokin liao...rite?

Karma?!
Hmmm.... Karma?! I guess so. But @ least...it keeps me goin for e time being. Will history repeat itself? I guess it takes 2 hands to clap. SO...I hav a part to play as to whether to allow it to repeat. :) Let Nature Takes Its Course? Hmmm...@ e veri least, I will slow down e process of it.

Oh well...I guess no one understands wat am I tokin abt. :P Will reveal more when things r more stable. See ya!

Confused
These few daes of rottin in the office realli gives me time to tink thru wat I wanna in life. IF there is A CHANCE for me to further my studies...shld I forgo my current job? (of cos...I tink e probability of gettin it is realli LOW!) Given my current job, will I b able to stay put for @ least 2 yrs before I take a leap to another place? E ans is NO. I cant imagine myself sittin in e same old office everydae doin e monotonous work dae in dae out. I am gettin so sick of it. I wont sae I make a wrong decision. Cos...I told myself never to regret wateva decision I hav made. Its jus a passing phrase. I am fallin apart. I guess I need lots n lots of encouragement to get me thru tis. =) Kindly give me sum if u do bump into me. Thanks!


"E Happiest Person Is One Who Can Accept His Shortcomings n Make E Best Out Of e Situation"
Tis my current Msn Nick. I am tryin hard to make e best out of my current situation. I am learnin to accept my shortcomings. I am learning to minimise e no. of constraints I hav to pursue my dream. My dream once again...broke into a million pieces. Finances n results.

It never cross my mind tat u would b so cruel...
It never cross my mind tat u would b so sarcastic...
To: Yong n Chew

1st Week @ Tuas Naval Base
I got realli emotional on e first 3 daes. I wanna write a letter to tender. I am not happy. Cos I din like tat e fact tat my colleagues r gossippers! YUCKS! Tats wat I detest most. First dae of work...I oredi sense sarcasm among them. Knowin tat they r tis kind of pple jus makes me wanna hide myself @ one corner. I din realli tok to any one of them. I was alwaes tokin abt work...knowin more abt e stuff. Tats all...I jus wanna keep my mouth shut to stay out of troubles. I guess tat is wat makes me so emotional...no one to communicate wif. On top of it...e food there SUX! (mayb SP serves better food?!) Both of their standards r abt e same. I din tot SP's office was posh to begin wif. I tot it was jus a normal office. Wat an average office would look like. Over @ ST, it is way below average. 1 thing tat I realli hate is e controlled usage of stationaries! If u wanna any stationary, u got to let e auntie noe. I dislike tis cos I feel so restricted. Also...they hav veri limited stationaries. Most of my colleagues bought their own stationaries. =( Toilet is located on e 2nd storey.

Sumtimes...I wonder to myself. Did I make a wrong decision to leave SP in e 1st place? If I did....then y I din feel a single bit of sadness? Or even regret over it? Alrite...enoff of e rants...now is e good points of this place:

1. Slow working pace
2. Can MSN n listen to radio

I guess e above 2 sounds realli good huh? Cos u dun feel so pressurised to pick e required skills so quickly. U can slowly learn it n excel in it. Back @ SP, things were realli fast moving. I get one new responsibility on a weekly basis. (tat happen when I was in my last 2 months of attachment) Tats to add on top of wat u hav been doin! I had migraine almost every day. I dream abt work almost every nite.

E fact tat u can MSN n listen to radio makes e environment a much more relaxing environment to b in. Tats provided u refuse to join ur "38" colleagues in their "38" conversations. Another thing is there is not much career prospects here. Things here r of e minimum requirement for a position of a buyer. One shldnt stay there for long if u r lookin for new learning experiences. Of cos...if u r lookin for a place where all u wanna is slow pace + not bad pay, then tis is e job for u! (provided u r not picky abt environment n ur colleagues)

Hmm...enoff of my rantings! I muz learn to complaint less. =P Actually all these...I din realli elaborate to anyone. So...in a way, it did cut down. =) Oh well...I am still learning to improve myself. In addition, I am also planning sumting. Heh heh...tok abt it e previous time. But still in e progress of planning. Wait till everything comes in place then sae. =) Alrite...I guess I will jus end here. See ya!