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02 June 2006
Uncertain
My 101th post! :) Jus wanna spend sum time to blog. I feel so uncertain abt myself again. Wif make-up, I am confident. Once I remove it, I am back to who I am. Mayb make-up helps to cover tat weak part of me. It helps me to cover up e fact tat I am not as strong as wat I appear to b (mentally). I almost manage to convince my mum abt OIAP. Yet, @ tis crucial moment, I hav to lose my wallet. I dun understand y. Y muz life b so hard for me? As compared to my bro, I am jus e opp. of him. He gets wat he wants. For me, I got to work hard n pray hard for it. Sumtimes, I wont get it still. He is good in so many things. I am jus e direct opp. Gd @ nothin. We both hav same parents. Yet, things r so different. Y?!

Sumtimes...I come up wif reasons for myself over tis shits I get in life. B@bymentos once asked me...y wasted ur time to come up wif all these theories? Cos I used them to console myself. I feel lost as to y shits like tis can happen. I feel as if I am dump into e middle of an ocean. All ard me is sea. I cant see any island nearby. Wif these theories I come up wif, it serves as an imaginary island to push me to swim on instead of stayin there in e hope tat I will eventually find an island one dae. I realli hope tat I will find e island soon...I am drowning.

I try hard to b a gd gal. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I alwaes feel tat I am still on e bottom. Never seems to b able to reach e top tat I desire. Tired...I am tired. I am so tired. Will things look brighter e next dae? I hope so. It has been a long time ever since I last feel realli happy (w/o any worries on e back of my mind).

~ { 1:31 AM }
reflections of you and me;