Him
It has become a routine to me. I got to tink abt wat to hav as lunch cum dinner for e next dae. Life feels meaningless. I feel like a robot havin trainin dae in dae out without any purpose. Imagine havin trainin for 5 daes a week n havin to work on both weekends, I tink it can drive one crazy. All work n no play makes one dull. I feel so boring as a person. I find myself takin jokes too seriously. It was meant to b a joke but I took it too seriously. I guess it makes pple ard me afraid to crack jokes wif me. I dun mean it seriously. I dunno y I take it so seriously. I din wanna to react tis way but I jus do. I wish I can relax abit more.
Jus recently, I found sumting which helps me to look forward to e next dae. If not, it makes me feel realli dread. I hate e long hrs n no life routine. Wake up @ 9.30am, go to CPTC, reached home @ 9+pm, bath, eat dinner @ 10.30pm, use com for internet access, sleep. Tis is my life for Mon - Fri. Does it sounds sick to u? It sounds totally sick to me. E thing tat motivates me is sumone I spotted in CPTC. I noe it is not a good way to motivate myself. But other than tat, I seriously feel nothin abt CPTC trainin. It jus feels like a routine which everyone has to go thru even if u dun like it. So wat makes him stand out among a 200+ population? Well, e reason is tat he looks like sumone I liked for a long long time. I am losing myself. I cant concentrate, my eyes dun look @ e big screen but it look in e direction of where he is sittin. I feel butterflies when I bumped into him. It is not bcos I realli hav a crush on him. But it is bcos he resembles e other him. They jus look alike to me.
It has been 2+yrs ever since I last saw him. I still remember e date clearly in my head. I was watchin a korean show n e plot of e show was abt a guy who meets his dream gal 10yrs after they got separated n how they progress after they met. I cried like mad over e show. I cried on every single espisode. It makes me wonder when will I ever meet him again. 10 yrs? 20 yrs? Or we r jus not fated to meet ever again? Will it b better to see him again or will it b better not to see him ever again? Of cos, I noe e ans veri well too. But I realli hope to see him again. I strongly believe tat e dae tat I bump into him again marks e dae which I hav moved on. I believe tat it will set in tis way so tat I wont feel sad or anythin abt him anymore. Hence, I am still workin upon movin on n lookin forward to e dae I will see him once again. If I can never move on, then jus dun let see him again. I will take it as a punishment for me. I will understand it on my veri last breath on tis earth. :)
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"Nothin is constant. E onli thing tat is constant is change." I believe alot of us hav heard of tis. There r changes in my life even though my life is so DULL rite now. These changes realli leaves me feelin disturbed. I dunno if they r positive changes or they r changes which is goin to post as a challenge to me in e later part. They realli look like positive changes. Y do I sae so? Cos these changes has got to do wif e attitude of e pple in my life. I can see tat they hav changed to treat me better. Wat is so disturbin abt tis change of attitude? *secret* I am jus not used to e way it is now. :) Women r weird creatures isnt it? I shld b happy to noe tat pple r treatin me better! But I dunno y I din like it. Mayb I like to b tortured? LOL!
PS: If my england is realli awful in tis post, pardon me as I am typin tis post wif a dead brain.