Unusual
As a tradition, my family will visit several temples on e 1st dae of CNY. Tis yr is no exception. E veri first temple is Brighthill Temple. A super big temple. I tink is e biggest in Singapore. My fav. temple actually. Cos of e feelin I get when I am there. Tis sense of calm, happy feelin. E calm-ness was wat makes me happy...cos I dun find it elsewhere. E scenary oso veri china feel...on e overall is still e calm feelin. Mayb tats e feelin one gets when she bcomes a nun. ?_? Alwaes visit it once a yr. But...for e past one yr...I hav been there several times to pay respect. All e way to Bishan...FAR FAR FAR! Unfortunately...things took a turn tis yr. I dun feel e calm feelin anymore. I feel uneasy. E change leaves me upset. I dunno y. But e giddyness in me makes me wanna leave e place. (probably due to lack of zzz + no breakfast) Grab 2 books which interests me. Thin ones...haha. Cos I noe I cant finish. E glad thing is I din feel guilty when I pray tat dae. :)

I asked myself one qn while travelin frm one house to another. It was funny...cos I never hav tis qn in mind for e past several yrs. Y din it occur to me? I asked myself. I kinda of forced myself to face up to wat I need to. Knowin myself too well...I noe I am runnin away. I asked myself if I hav gotten over it. Wat does it mean to sae gettin over it? Based on my definition, I haven gotten over it. Tats oso e reason y I keep tinkin I will never get over it. I tried to look @ it @ another angle. I sort of sort out tat I might hav gotten over it. Mayb it is bcos I dun wish to face e fact tat I can actually get over sumting which I hold on so dearly. Tats y keep tellin myself I cant. Give me more time...I will b able to sort it out. :) I need to do sum serious tinkin.

I no longer wanna pursue it any further. @ first...I told myself e price to pay was too high. But...e tot of it is jus too temptin. Hence, I still went on wif it. Sumhow, e feelin of pursuing further is no longer there. Strange to me. Again...I dunno y. Too many 'y's for me to ponder. I hope e tot of not pursuing any further will last. I wont change my mind over time again. I jus cant seems to make up my mind. :P

Now...lets tok abt more happy stuff. HAHA! I won abt 30++ bucks in 2 daes. :P Thru gambling. Haha... WoOHoO! I won abt 30bucks yesterdae. Heehee...Happy sia! Can go shoppin wif these $$. Mayb got another round mahjong. We lackin in khakis leh. One more to go!!! Anyone interested? :P One of my frens used to sae I am a gambler. *grins* I onli do it durin CNY lah. Once a yr. No harm.

Other than tat, I cant seems to tink of anythin good. Jus keep feelin down. Hormones imbalance? Hmmm... *scratch chin* Oso realise tat sum stuff realli CMI. Mayb e instincts r rite. LOL. Okie lah...I wanna watch shows liao. See ya!