WooHoO~


Once...I tot he wasnt attractive. HUH?! Y pple like him? ?_? Makes me feel so puzzled sia. Now...its another story n I clearly noe y. :P U wanna noe y? Take a good look! Enjoy! :)



Now u noe y?! HAHA! ^_^



Another guy whom I was crazy over sum time back. Mayb YW is rite. Idolizing pple in shows is a zillion times better. U get over it when e show is over. Even if u dun, u will NEVER b hurt. Another good thing is u will never see e awful side of e person. In ur memory, e person will alwaes b so sweet n good n blah blah blah. I used to tink tat it is being impractical. Cos u wont see e person...even if u wanna, u got to spend lots of effort which u might not b able to reap anythin in e end. This makes my principle "If it is meant to happen, it will" fails. Hmmm...tats y I choose pple whom I will b able to noe more. Sumtimes...it is good to b impractical. Dun u tink so? HAHA! Time to go siao siao again...wahaha.

Unusual
As a tradition, my family will visit several temples on e 1st dae of CNY. Tis yr is no exception. E veri first temple is Brighthill Temple. A super big temple. I tink is e biggest in Singapore. My fav. temple actually. Cos of e feelin I get when I am there. Tis sense of calm, happy feelin. E calm-ness was wat makes me happy...cos I dun find it elsewhere. E scenary oso veri china feel...on e overall is still e calm feelin. Mayb tats e feelin one gets when she bcomes a nun. ?_? Alwaes visit it once a yr. But...for e past one yr...I hav been there several times to pay respect. All e way to Bishan...FAR FAR FAR! Unfortunately...things took a turn tis yr. I dun feel e calm feelin anymore. I feel uneasy. E change leaves me upset. I dunno y. But e giddyness in me makes me wanna leave e place. (probably due to lack of zzz + no breakfast) Grab 2 books which interests me. Thin ones...haha. Cos I noe I cant finish. E glad thing is I din feel guilty when I pray tat dae. :)

I asked myself one qn while travelin frm one house to another. It was funny...cos I never hav tis qn in mind for e past several yrs. Y din it occur to me? I asked myself. I kinda of forced myself to face up to wat I need to. Knowin myself too well...I noe I am runnin away. I asked myself if I hav gotten over it. Wat does it mean to sae gettin over it? Based on my definition, I haven gotten over it. Tats oso e reason y I keep tinkin I will never get over it. I tried to look @ it @ another angle. I sort of sort out tat I might hav gotten over it. Mayb it is bcos I dun wish to face e fact tat I can actually get over sumting which I hold on so dearly. Tats y keep tellin myself I cant. Give me more time...I will b able to sort it out. :) I need to do sum serious tinkin.

I no longer wanna pursue it any further. @ first...I told myself e price to pay was too high. But...e tot of it is jus too temptin. Hence, I still went on wif it. Sumhow, e feelin of pursuing further is no longer there. Strange to me. Again...I dunno y. Too many 'y's for me to ponder. I hope e tot of not pursuing any further will last. I wont change my mind over time again. I jus cant seems to make up my mind. :P

Now...lets tok abt more happy stuff. HAHA! I won abt 30++ bucks in 2 daes. :P Thru gambling. Haha... WoOHoO! I won abt 30bucks yesterdae. Heehee...Happy sia! Can go shoppin wif these $$. Mayb got another round mahjong. We lackin in khakis leh. One more to go!!! Anyone interested? :P One of my frens used to sae I am a gambler. *grins* I onli do it durin CNY lah. Once a yr. No harm.

Other than tat, I cant seems to tink of anythin good. Jus keep feelin down. Hormones imbalance? Hmmm... *scratch chin* Oso realise tat sum stuff realli CMI. Mayb e instincts r rite. LOL. Okie lah...I wanna watch shows liao. See ya!

Sad?
I wonder y. Y tis sense of sadness jus fills me during tis festive season when everythin shld b happy? I feel sad over small nitty gritty stuff. One is pple ard me seems sad. I feel affected. Kinda siao? New year seems to b hav no more meanin to me. When I was young, it was festival when I feel veri much hyper abt. Over time...I come to realise tat I am one of e fortunate ones outta. There r pple ard me who dread over tis festival. Cos it jus brings them to face e reality of their family...e reunion dinner. Sum look forward to it...cos it is e onli time they can hav everyone in e family together to hav a decent meal. Sum dread over it cos it reminds them of e fact tat they lost one of their family members over e yrs. To me...everydae oso can hav reunion dinner. As long as everyone who r supposed to b there is @ e table side. :)

Sumone told me one of my relative might not b comin over to my house tomolo. Cos she not in e mood. It kinda sadden me more. I dunno if I shld b happy over tis festival or rather feel sad over e lost of one of my relative who had passed away. Haiz...

Alrite...I tink I will stop here. Tryin to get into e happy season feelin. Haha... :) See ya!

2 weeks of Rollar Coaster
Been MIA for 2 weeks. Haha...cos of e crazy schedule loh. For e time being, it is OVER! But it will b back once e next week ends. :( 2 person hav commented not seeing me for 2 weeks. Heehee...does it meant ur r missin me?! *thick-skinned* 3 inch thick! LOL! No worries...I am BACK! Wahaha... I will b appearin once again. But I will b back to hidin soon. :P

I am jus back frm e pippin hot place. Not chiong-ing place but a place filled wif e festive mood due e no. of aunties grabbin stuff n choosing them. E family pic was all ard me. E love u see when a family shops ard for e common stuff. I feel so hyper! I am so awake now! For once, I am feelin awake...I hav been feelin dead for a long time. I jus cant bare to leave e place. Not chinatown btw...it was a supermarket @ West Coast. Sheng Shiong Supermarket. E prices were low lah...tats y. U see pple goin in @ 11.30pm?! It is madness! E supermarket is open thru e nite. I jus love e feel of e festive season. Mum loves to sae I like to chiong. (not clubbin...but chiong for activities) I do love it. But sumtimes...I jus love e quietness. Haha...I noe I am weird. :P

I am still havin phobia of wat happened during CNY last yr. Of cos...I dun wish it to happen ever AGAIN. But...e fact is e prob is still there. It was not resolved. Communication is e key to resolving it. To tok it out...yet, I am so afraid to bring it up. I am afraid history will repeat itself. Lets jus hope it will NEVER ever happen. I forsee for tis yr...it wont. But I wont noe for e yrs to come.

I am feelin shitty tat I cant go pay respect to sumone. Argh! To me...ever since he passed away, I promise to myself....I make it a point to go down everytime as long as I can make it. I mean how many times do u actualli spare out e time to pay respect to sumone who is no longer wif ya? How many times can u actually hav a chance to go down? (being festival as e reason) It doesnt meant tat he is no longer ard then u can jus ignore all tis. E fact is e person did play a part in ur life. If e person din...u wont even noe e person. Esp. when e person played a impt role in ur life. Hence...it is impt to remember e person even though he is no longer ard. I tink tats e veri least u can do. Of cos...I am not sayin u jus remember e person ONLI when there is a festive. Rather...e person shld live in ur heart even if u can never see him anymore.

Apart frm e crazy schedules, there were a mixture of things tat was goin on in my life. Sum leaves me feelin puzzled...sum makes me so sad...sum makes me so disappointed...sum jus brighten my dae. E pple jus popped into my life these 2 weeks brighten my dae even though e schedule was killin me. It was crazy tat I dun even noe y I am so busy. Over wat? I keep askin myself. But I am jus busy loh. -.-" Mayb busy wif my work n my family + relative's demand of help during tis festive season.

Sumting leaves me feelin puzzled. I dunno whether to b amused or to b angry wif myself. My sec skool klassmate msn me one dae. We dun tok. E last time was abt klass outin...n tat was damn long ago. E moment I tot when I saw e msn thingy popped out, my idea is klass outing ah? I usually hav tis idea tat pple sure wanna kpo abt sum stuff. Not tat I wanna hav a negative perception of human beings. But they jus prove me rite. Prove me wrong then. We went on tokin...then she finally popped e qn she was dyin to ask me.
yang fan -- : heard u got attached?
= Li?G² = I : huh??
= Li?G² = I : since when?
= Li?G² = I : u mean my nick???
yang fan -- : haha....no
= Li?G² = I : nah...bf= work
yang fan -- : jus causally heard
WAH LIEW! I mean I cant imagine lah. My sec skool klassmate tellin me tis?! She told me she got to noe it frm my poly?! OMG! So tis piece of news actually spread like a wild fire across frm my poly to my sec skool. I cant imagine e no. of pple who noes abt it. I mean...such stuff...spreads damn fast. E fact is I am SINGLE. DUH! *shake head* Pple who noes me long enoff n still in contact shld noe tis. Pple who r close shld noe it too. It makes me feelin amused @ first. Then I got angry...wif myself. Issit sumting tat I did tat makes pple hav tis impression? If it is so, I shld take tis as a warning n reflect on my actions. Dun u tink so? As I was screamin away abt how idiotic it is, my bro made a statement...无风不起浪. Another words...if u din do anythin, pple wont sae abt u. U muz hav done sumting for pple to tok abt it. Sigh.

I am puzzled abt another matter. He was outta my life for sum time. Suddenly, he reappeared. I noe tis relationship or rather frenship is abnormal. I noe it veri well myself. I wanna to change it to e normal frenship between a guy n a gal. Or issit tat there cant b frenship between a guy n a gal?! He jus appeared once again not too long ago. I took e initiative to start tokin. I dun wanna lose contact. EVen since then...things took a change. Is history repeatin itself again? I got to admit there was a period of time...things were jus abnormal. Y do I sae it is abnormal? Tell me who will find sms wif ya frm e moment u wake up till e veri last moment b4 u sleep? Tats in e past. Tell me who in e rite mind will actually sms u @ 2+AM wif odd lookin sms-es abt e topic on 'LOVE' for a good 3 consecutive daes? Summore e other party is a guy! As for todae...I dunno yet. He has been doin it for e past 3 daes. I feel so relieved tat I return tat box of VCDs. YESH! At least...I dun owe him any stuff liao. But I noe...I still owe him many other things. E expensive gifts...I feel tat I owe him more than tat box of VCDs. Much much more... Time has flies. I hav changed. Sad to sae...we cant revert to wat it was back then due to wat he jus told me. It disappoints me badly. Mayb I will make statements like "Guys Sux" or "I hate GUYS!" one dae. LOL! I wanna so much to tell him...I jus wanna a pure normal frenship. Issit possible? How to tell him? I dun hav e slightest idea. Is he jus bored? Seekin for attention or accompany? Or there is more to it? if it is so, y does he still do it when he noes it veri well I hav sumone in mind? Or issit I am sendin wrong signals? Or issit there is more to it on my part which I din noe?! :( I shld tink over it over tis holidae. :) Wish me luck in settling tis matter. It is far too complicated.

Better stop here...I can jus go on n on n on. LOL! Got to pack my room! Its a mess! See ya! Happy New Year to ALL!

I hav no idea
Feelin emotional...realli bad. I dun even noe y. I dread e nites. It makes me tink so much. More than I shld. I am reminded of e stuff I dun wanna remember. Y issit affectin me so much? I tot I pass tat phase? Y issit makin me so sad for such a long time? :(
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel lost
I am losing myself
All my effort tat I put in
Seems futile...
I am back to square 1
Feelin emotional n vulnerable

I keep tinkin tat...
U were ard me
I saw e pair of eyes
Tat looks like urs
I saw e face
Tat looks like ya
I saw e character
Tat resembles ya
I jus tink of ya

I am reminded of e past
I am reminded of e dae I was jus inches away frm u
I am reminded of e dae I shaked ur hand
I am reminded of e dae I rushed to e airport
I am reminded of e dae u left
I am reminded of e dae u give tat 'pissed' stare

E list jus goes on...
I tot I hav forgotten
On a lonely nite
I started tinkin of u
Onli to realise...
I din actually
I remember every single incident
Tat makes my heart skip a beat

I wanna so much to hide myself
I wanna so much to run away
I wanna so much to close up myself
I wanna so much to forget
E thing I wanna most is...
For u to b happy...
See u smile frm e bottom of ur heart
If we ever meet again

Backstreet Boys - What Makes u Different (makes u beautiful)
What Makes you Different (makes you beautiful)
Backstreet Boys

You don't run with a crowd
You go your own way
You don't play after dark
You light up my day
Got your own kind of style
That sets you apart

Baby, that's why you captured my heart
I know sometimes you feel like you don't fit in
And this world doesn't know what you have within
When I look at you,
I see something rare
A rose that can go anywhere (go anywhere)
And there's no one
I know that can compare

CHORUS
What makes you different, makes you beautiful
What's there inside you, shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love
I'll ever need
You're all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

Hey, yeah
You got something so real
You touched me so deep (touched me so deep)
Say material things
Don't matter to me
So come as you are
You've got nothing to prove
You won me with all that you do
And I want to take this chance to say to you

CHORUS Repeat

You don't know how you touched my life
Oh in so many ways I just can't describe
You taught me what love is supposed to be
You saw the little things that make you beautiful to me (so beautiful)
What makes you...

Chorus Repeat

Everything you do is beautiful (so beautiful)
Love you give shines right through me (shines right through me)
Everything you do is beautiful (oh)
You're beautiful to me (to me)

Crazy schedule
E week ahead...
Mon:
10am - Meet up wif IS lecturer
11am - Discussion for project (until dunno wat time)
Afternoon or evening - See sinseh for sprained ankle OR come home n paint wall OR meet up wif someone to return him his VCDs
Nite - MIGHT b goin to Chinatown for CNY goodies shoppin wif mum
Tues:
10am - MIGHT hav project meetin
12pm to 4pm - Lessons
5pm - Tuition
7pm - Reached home?!
Wed:
9am to 4pm - Lessons (Thank goodness NO 4-5pm lesson)
4pm - MIGHT hav project meetin
Thurs:
9am to 4pm - Lessons
5pm - Tuition
Fri:
11am to 6pm - Lessons

Goodness me...look @ e freakin schedule ahead. I got more stuff to put in...but jus dunno when. Here goes...2 meetings for IS to pitch our proposal wif e alumini(wed...might skip lect) n SDAR (mon or tues), a gym session to burn sum fats since I din do much todae (sprained my ankle)...

Tats ONLI schedule...I haven tok abt work load...DAMN!
1) Do 1 set of ppt slides for IS (stupid of me to volunteer)
2) 1 report (shiok of me again to do it alone)
3) 1 project due on FRI
4) 1 Lab worksheet
5) 1 tutorial
Tats e amt of work I need to accomplish tis week. Might hav more though...I wont noe.

Wanna see doc for MC oso no time. Tis is pathetic. I need to rest too. I need to relax oso. Argh! I am gettin realli grumpy. Sorri to those who I fly kite for e week tat jus passed. To rest tis weary body of mine. I am realli PACKED. I will make it up after all tis crazy schedules is over. I haven been @ home on weekends for e past dunno how many weeks. I miss being @ home on weekends. I jus wanna rot n sleep. Darn! I jus feel damn stressed.

Feelin tat I am losin control of myself in terms of my emotions. I am gettin hot-tempered. Get so easily frustrated over stuff. I am sorri if I ever blow ur heads off. Feel like sum siao pple like tat. Cant even control e anger. Feel so tired ever single dae. Crazily dozing off on e bus while travellin. LOL! I jus dread over tis particular discussion session tat I hav to attend. It feels horrible. Cos of sumting tat disturbs me perpetually.

Okie lah...I slack enoff for e past 2 daes. :P Time to chiong tomolo once again n time to sleep b4 panda eyes. See ya.

Lucky Or Suay?
As I was helpin a relative of mine...doin sum cleanin sum time back, we were happily chit chattin away. I casually made a statement which shocked her. I tink I sort of impressed her wif my explaination. HAHA! Cos she sae I hav grown up. After sum time...I went to post e qn to another person. Both pple hav e same reaction...SHOCKED! Here is e qn --->

If a Man @ a age of 30, din hav any BIG disappointments in his life, is he LUCKY or SUAY?

Wat is ur ans? My ans. is SUAY. O_O Y?! R u jus as shocked as e both of them? If u r shocked, I would assume ur ans. is lucky. If ur ans. is suay, I see e need to praise u for tat. Wahaha... Sumting for ya to tink it thru...haha! Hav fun! I will b back to explain y. Not now though...busy wif my BF --> WORK! LOL! I 'fell in love' wif him. I am 'lovin' it! I 'love' him to bits. *shivers*

Beyond e Fall


Whee! I am SO happy once again! HAHA! Cos I FINALLY managed to get hold of tis book! Haha...u might b tinkin...wah! So easily sastisfied? I mean in life, small stuff r e stuff which u neglects BUT they r e ones tat can realli cheer u up. Not those big happening stuff...they make u realli happy for a moment onli. It doesnt last like small stuff. (@ least tats e case for me) Tis is one of e VERI few books I hav been wantin to get for myself. But...sumhow, it jus slips off my mind over time. Do support tis book k! Haha...like I am helpin e writer who is my cousin to post ads here. :P He din noe I got it n din request for e ads too. Heehee... As to wat e book is all abt...sae liao u will still buy meh? DUH! I dunno wat is e price though...I tink abt $15+++ or higher?! Or issit $20+++?! Paiseh ah...I dun noe abt it. Basically if u r keen to learn how acidents in life can change u n interested to find out wat u can actually learn frm him, then I tink u shld get tis book! I strongly believe tat I will b able to learn sum stuff frm tis book. Cos it is a real-life story. He had a life changin acident @ an age of 18. I mean after e acident...I believe anyone will b more sensible...n I believe he will b able to offer me a side of Life which I still fail to see. I had my life changin experience @ 18 too. I dun like to read...n e no. of books tat I am keen to read is like less than 5? So...if it can makes me so interested...y not u? Haha... Dun ask me for e book k! BUY IT! LOL! If u r interested to noe where to get it, jus tag me. :D I will find out for ya. ;)

His acident has alwaes been servin as a reminder to me. Mum n Dad like to quote his acident as e best example for me to learn. They alwaes sae..."Not like there is NO real life story for ya to learn." To me...I remember tellin myself tis...--> Aiyah...U tink too much. To everyone else who noes abt tis acident, all tinks tat it was fault in trustin e wrong frens. I am not in e position to judge. But if it is realli e case, it kinda of scares me. Tinkin back of e bad incidents wif regards to frens...e phobia of trustin frens seems to increase. I alwaes believe things happens in life for a reason. Todae...I got tis book. It kinda serve as a reminder to me. I need to be aware of whom I am entrustin my trust to. I fear over e consequences I hav to pay for trustin e wrong pple. I need to tink it all over again. Mum alwaes sae I am naive. Mayb I am still naive. To her...she tinks I cant differentiate e good ones frm e bad ones. True enoff...I tink I am stil havin difficulty over tat. She worries over e fact tat I might make e wrong frens. To her...she tinks tat goin all out for ur frens is WRONG. Cos e consequences to pay is a high price IF ur frens r jus e wrong bunch. I dunno if I makin rite frens in life...I dunno if I am makin e rite choices... I can onli sae...I fear them all. (2 bad...e story of e book is not abt wat I jus blog over here! Wahaha!)

I started readin...n I cant STOP! :P I mean I need to do work lah. Muz stop to start rackin my brains again. Okie lah...I spend quite alot of time here n on e book. Time to shoo n off I go for work once again. See ya!

Messy
I feel veri messed up rite now. For e past 1 week...I hav been droppin in my standard. No longer punctual...cant seems to wake up on time. Doppin in terms of work. Haven been performin well. Cos I kinda of 4get alot of stuff. 4get to bring tis n tat. Argh! Wat is wrong?! I tink I need to evaluate myself once again. Is my expectationns of myself too high? If it is so, then y I manage to attain it b4 tat n not being able to do so anymore? Or issit it is jus tat e 'slacken me' is back? Damn stress wif my lab n projects. I am jus not performin. I dun understand wat they r tokin abt. I feel like I am jus not myself. Cant tink properly. Wat is e root of e prob?

I am comtemplatin whether I shld go home now. Feelin realli lethargic, strengthless n giddy. I jus hate e strengthless feelin. It frustrates me. PMS? It might b. Tons of stuff to do...e list seems so long. Tight schedule oso. No lunch for me tomolo. Sigh. No time to take lunch. *sniff* Realli temptin to take MC tomolo...but my grp mates will kill me for nuts. 2 grps summore! IS is stressin me out due to e fact tat I seems like e leader. Pple ask me qns like tis..."Ling Ling, my part of e proposal u wanna how many pages huh?" Me,"HUH?! Type as much as u can loh." It is liks so DUH! I got to take care of everythin...tinkin to e smallest detail to make sure everythin is goin on fine. It seems like I got to overlook everythin. Alamak! I mean ur oso can help rite? Instead of askin me tis n tat...makin sum decisions on my behalf lah. Afterall...I was not e appointed leader oso. Stress ah! Coordinatin oso sux! Got to make so many phone calls to coordinate stuff. Esp. when they r all frm 1 lect hall. Y cant they coordinate liao then tell me? I am fine wif it. -.- Initiative is needed in such cases lah. Haiz...

Okie okie...I noe I am gettin veri grumpy...tats how I relieve my stress. HAHA! :P Time to go for tutorial! See ya.

Trust
Wat is TRUST afterall? Can any1 outta reali b trusted? If it is so, then y do I meet so many who cant b trusted? I tot trust is sumting so fragile n sacred. Cos once u break it...it is reali hard to mend it back. Sumtimes...it can b so bad tat e reaction is irrevesible. Then do pple still dun treasure it? It is hard to earn trust rite? Or am I onli e stupid one outta tat my trust can b earned so easily? Tellin e truth is best but we cant deny e fact tat e truth hurts. Y let me find out all tis? Esp. when I feelin full of hopes abt pple ard me. Y?! I alwaes tot trust is believin in wat e person sae. Or did I get e definition wrong? I alwaes tot tat tis guy fren of mine was tellin me e truth abt tis part of his life. Rather...his love life. A werid way we got to noe each other. Yet...he is now tellin it is onli a STORY. Is he tellin me e truth? If it is, then y did he tell me e STORY in e first place? I feel so stupid to hav believe him all tis while abt e entire story. I feel so stupid tryin so damn hard to help him get out of e situation he was in. I put in all my efforts. Was he jus testin me out? Although most of e times...we teased each other...we crap...we exaggerate stuff. There were times we tok serious stuff. Is tis all part of a BIG lie? Wat other stuff did he lie to me abt? Am I e stupid one to hav told him e truth? Nothin but e truth. Then who in e world can we trust? I tried n tried to trust pple ard me...filterin e good n bad ones. Y do I still hit e pits? I am tired. Issit bcos I look like a gal who is nice to cheat or play ard like a toy? I dun wanna b treated as a toy for anyone to experiment or play wif. Y issit pple whom I called frens treat me tis way? Do I deserve tis? Or I am jus a toy? Y choose me?

E no. of wounds on me...I cant seems to heal them. As I heal one, I get another one. When will I ever get healed of all wounds? When will I get healed fully? I am tired of all tis. Give me a break. I need a breather.

I wonder y it seems like there is a piece of glass separatin e both of us. We used to b able tok abt anythin. I dun hav to feel awkward or weird abt wat I realli wanna sae. Y issit diff for now? Issit e desire to help her is too much? Or simply I am not capable enoff to help? Or issit there r stuff in life others jus shldnt interfere? Y do we jus lose e affinity between us? Wat is e thing tat comes between us? Will we drift further apart as time goes by? Will I able to revert back to wat it is in e past? I miss those times so badly. I can never seems to tok like how I used to b. I feel so afraid tat I will hurt her. Is growin up e culprit of all these? Issit bcos as u grow up, u come to realise how u shld sae certain stuff...how u shldnt jus sae it n hurt e other party? AH~~! I hav a never-endin list of qns.

PS: (I dun even rememeber if I ever told him abt tis blog of mine.) If u ever happen to chance upon tis...I reali hope tat u r jus lyin to me tat e story is fake. IF tat story of urs is realli FAKE, I can onli sae... I din lie abt anythin tat I hav told ya. I am utterly disappointed wif ya. I feel tat I wasted my time, my effort n my $$ on e no. of smses to help u get out of e situation in which u placed urself in wateva story u hav come up wif. I guess I hav trust e wrong person again.

Instincts
Lots of tots todae. MIGHT b a long post. =X But I am not goin to spend too much time here. Got tons of work to do. Imagine tis...I am havin project/report meetin for consecutive 3 daes. Eeks. I am gettin so sick of rackin my brains everydae. It is so tiring. E worst is todae's...I hav almost no idea wat they were tokin abt. My contribution is SO LITTLE! Haiz...feelin guilty. Tats e reason I volunteer to type e stuff out n oso give me time to look thru n digest. HAHA!

Was tokin to G todae abt sum stuff. She told me her perception abt sum matters. I mean...I dun admit tat it din cross my mind. I was so shocked tat she tot so too when she told me. I was screamin 'NO!' all e way. I reali hav no wish of involvin myself into e matter. But as it seems...I cant do anythin. Haiz...screw myself. It is jus sum gut instinct.

Sumting jus came to me. I started suspecting. I mean...I am e super duper sensitive kind of gal. I can pick up stuff @ e flick of e fingers. Even though...I can b veri dumb n blur @ times. Cos I need u to b straight forward then I can understand wat u wanna. Most of e times...my instinct tells me abt e stuff lah. I hate being so sensitive. I oso hate my instincts. They r jus so damn rite. -.-" Kill me for tat. Worst...my instinct comes in e form of gut feelin. I hav instincts for bad stuff nia. U might b tinkin...wat e heck! I did try to ignore it. BUT...unfortunately...when I found out abt e truth, it is jus like wat my instincts tells me so. HAIZ...Y ISSIT SO?! Issit tat a gal's instincts is there to protect her frm harm? I hav no idea. For my case...it is there to protect me frm harm...reali. As much as I wish to ignore it, I hav learnt my lessons...NEVER ignore it! So...mayb I shld start doin sumting for e 2 stuff I am feelin rite now. :( I am wishin n hopin so much tat I am sensing e wrong stuff. PLS...I cant imagine IF all is TRUE! I will b in deep shit!

All I wish for is...A simple life. Y issit gettin so complicated once again? Y muz my probs ALWAES involve so many pple? Did I drag them in or they were jus there? ARGH! I tot I sort of got out of it? I took so long to get used to wat it is now. I took so much effort to get to where it is now. Simple life as it seems...but benealth it, it dun reali seems so. :( I was still tinkin sum time back it will simple cos wateva thingy I am involved rite now onli consists of me n sumone else. E good thing is I dun see e person like for 1+ yrs liao?! Great! I tot. But I 4got my life...dun onli consists of me n my family. It consists of others ard me...they can get u into shits too! *bang*

I am startin to wonder if matters of e heart could onli b shared among ur family. Ur frens? Can? Issit too personal? Many of us hav diff definitions for e word 'LOVE'. Wats urs? One of my contacts on my msn has tis nick --> Love is jus like a rumour. Many toks abt it...but no one actualli noes wat it means. Haha! I tot it was kinda true. All of us view it differently. Love is selfish. I noe many dun agree. But how many of us can truly sae tat they will let their love ones go? (to any where?) Not many can do it...cos it hurts like crazy. Mayb tis is e veri reason as to y I cant let go. Cos I dun wanna let go. I cant bear. But holdin on to it...will it make any diff? Nope. Time to wake up...LING LING!!!

I realli hate dreams...it started wif one. A stupid crush tat I cant seem to see e end point. It ignites again over a dream. Y issit alwaes dream? Darn. I jus hate tis!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remember clearly u once told me tis...--> whoever I like...tat person is a fortunate guy. Can I tell u tis? --> U r e most fortunate one outta. Cos it never seems to end. I wish it can. I hope it can. I told myself not to cry over u. I failed time after time... I jus cant promise myself tat I wont cry. Even though time might fade ur memories, u might hav forgottn wat I hav promised when we meet again. Will we? I wont forget wat I promised ya. I am sorri tat I cant fulfilled one of e promises. Tats to get over it. I noe I need to put a full-stop to it. I am still tryin...

I dun tink he noes abt tis blog. Thank god. LOL!

I hav HIT my limits
GRRR! I jus need a space to rant! I seriously dun understand y pple in my grp cant take tat little bit of initiative?! I realli wonder if I shld give them a 'good' tok tomolo. Issit bcos Ling Ling is jus a too soft gal?! Not firm enoff in wateva she is sayin. Everyone ard her is takin advantage? Not fierce issit? I realli veri frustrated lah...I got to b e FOOL makin sure everythin is alrite. They tell me they appreciate my effort. Changed timin w/o tellin me. I got to b e one who asked them. How am I suppose to noe tat they cant make it when I am frm a diff course? Is tis e way u show appreciation? Or rather u r jus showin e 'takin for granted' attitude? Sumtimes...I realli hate to b e nasty character. But I cant take it any longer. They screwed my timing for everythin. Wat I planned all screwed jus bcos they changed timing. Y muz I b e one to screw up my schedule? They hav projects...dun I hav them too? It is all abt puttin in EFFORT! We oredi hav 1 stupid guy who is not contributin. Dun they tink we shld put in more to cover up for tat guy?! Afterall...I tink my lecturer hav a HIGH tendency to fail him. If we dun...we will b jus like him! ALL FAIL! Do they wanna fail?! I dun wanna hav an extra sem jus for an IS module. They sae it is stupid...but their actions speaks otherwise. I am tired of one man show. Everyone oso noe how to tok...dun they? ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER than WORDS! GRR! U can dun tok n jus do stuff...I will noe u r puttin in effort. I appreciate tat!

Many times in life...I wonder to myself. Shld I b nasty? Being a nice person is too tiring...too difficult. (I hope no debate! LOL!) I am pushed to e limit desperately wanna to b super duper nasty. If I ever bcome nasty to ya...its bcos u push me to e limits. My principle is simple...if u r nice to me, I will b nice to ya. Dun tok onli...I oso noe! Sae it n mean it. When u mean wat u sae...ur actions will jus act upon it. Dun believe? Jus try n see. If u r not nice, then dun curse n swear tat I throw shit @ u.

Low Blood Pressure
Ooo... Tis topic. Haha...health issues ah. I tink I am sufferin frm low blood pressure sia. Was watchin a show on tv e other dae...it was tokin abt tis. I was noddin my head off when it comes to e symptons section. I nearly hit all of them! O_O Giddyness(not so bad liao but occasionally)...lousy nails(my nails has high tendency to break)...feelin tired all e time(wah liew...tis one, pple who noes me all noes I feel tired all dae! PIG!)...last of all, ur palms r more pale than e others(tis one hor...I oso dunno. So...I take it mine is okie.).

There are other symptons too! I found them on e website...did a little research on it...
When there is insufficient blood pressure to deliver blood to the coronary arteries (the arteries that supply blood to the heart’s muscle), a person can develop chest pain (angina) or even a heart attack.
Angina is usually felt as a squeezing, pressure, heaviness, tightening, or aching across the chest, particularly behind the breastbone. This pain often radiates to the neck, jaw, arms, back, or even the teeth. Patients may also complain of indigestion, heartburn, weakness, sweating, nausea, cramping, and shortness of breath. O_O I do feel e chest pain...n e shortness of breath too!

Okie...I will research more on n see a doc soon. *lookin @ e calendar 4 a free dae* Haha... So...if u hav e same probs, *choy!* do see a doc too! Off I go to help sumone...see ya! :P

Y Issit U?
In e beginnin
U seems so irritatin to me
A joker in e klass
Who never stop tokin
Act Cool is all u noe
As it seems to me @ tat time
I hate u to e core
Cant wait to scold u

As time goes by
It all started wif a dream
I start to notice ur presence
It starts to make a diff in my life
I am shocked by wat I feel
I wonder y e sudden change
A stupid crush to start wif
It jus goes on for 7yrs
I wonder y all tis jus dun seems to end
When will it end?
When can I claim I hav gotten over it?
Y let me dream of u again?

在人海茫茫中
为何我只注意你？
如果有一天
我们再见面
你是否还跟以前一样？
你是否还讨厌我？
我是否达到你的要求？
我们是否会成为朋友？

Jus Me
In a prior life, Jerlyn, you deferred to the wishes of others and did not learn to think for yourself. This time, you are forced to take action and to make split-second decisions, causing you to feel very uncomfortable. This time you are still concerned with making things more beautiful and harmonious, finding any aggressive action distasteful.
In the past, you relied on outward physical beauty to carry you and in this life you are still susceptible to flattery and can spend a great deal of time and money on cosmetics, grooming and clothing.

You hate being alone, Jerlyn, and yet wish that people would leave you alone. You are so sensitive to your surroundings that anything which can be construed as coarse sends you off to seek the solace of music or art. The symmetry you find calms your bruised sensibilities.

I find it so TRUE! Tis is ME! HAHA! Esp. those in bold! Wahaha...:P

Untitled
Haha...I am so happy! Heard tat she wanna withdraw frm e option module! WHEE! Sounds too good to b true. I realli she does! Cos I dun even wanna see her sia. I read sumone's blog last nite. She sae she tolerated sumone for 2.5yrs. I tolerated wif her for 1.5 yrs. I tot I hav forgave her. NOPE! I din. Cos as I read thru e entry...a bolt of anger jus came to me. I feel for e writer sia. All I can sae is IF she din use sumone to push me verbally, I might hav oredi forgave her wif all e shit she gave me for e past 1.5 yrs. BUT...she jus sae use e wrong person. It jus pissed me off too much. I doubt I can forgive her.

As e sayin goes... A gal can forgive but cant forget. A guy can forget but cant forgive. How true... At times...even though I might hav forgive sumone, I cant forget wat e person did to me. Forgivin n forgettin is 2 diff things. It is easy for me to forgive but never easy for me to forget. I jus can remember everythin in detail. Haiz... As much as I wish to forget...it is jus so difficult. It serves as a reminder for me not to repeat e same old mistake again.

Tats all for now... *walkin off*

*edited* She din strike off her name afterall. SIGH! SIAN!

BGR
Back once again. Din realli manage to blog everythin tat I wanna sae on e previous post. Cos was feelin emotional...so din hav e mood to continue. So I shall continue wif my borin story n abit of wat I wanna share so badly. HAHA! Here goes...

Oh well...I met my gor @ e MRT e other dae. Was so happy to see him once again. Been a long long time ever since I last met him. Donkey yrs sia. He is a busy man afterall. Workin now...goin NS in April. Though we jus had a small tok, it brings me back fond memories of times whereby my gang of frens n I do nothin all dae but play play play. It kinda brighten up my mood. I was feelin so sian @ first...cos I was feelin hungry. Wahahah...

BGR

HAHA! E message I wanna share todae is not originated frm me. I heard it frm R while he was havin a chat wif B @ e food court e other dae. I was impressed wif wat he had shared. LOL! Cos pple of my age...sad to sae, e majority dun tink tat much. I tot it was veri true n makes sense. He sort of knock some sense into me although e message wasnt directly addressed to me. But I learnt sum veri true n meaningful stuff. Tis is not e entire message during e entire chat. Cos I din realli pay attention...on n off. :P Was tokin to my fren n figurin wat he was tryin to tell me. Haha... SO...here I am to nag nag nag. I oso shared tis message to someone whom I tot would need it. Cos she was in pile after pile of shit. :P

Okie...I shall go straight to e point. :) As we grow up, we need to learn to b more responsible abt our actions. E signals we send to e opp. sex party. Sumtimes...we jus got to b more careful. So tat we wont hav a grp of them havin feelings for us. Also...u wont feel so vexed over e grp of suitors. HAHA! Of cos there r times in which we din do anythin...but e person jus hav feelings for ya. Tats bo bian lah. But sumtimes...it is bcos we lead them on. We send out e wrong signals. In another words...we flirt ard. Hence...it brings abt e troubles. Do consider tis! I seriously tink we all shld tink abt tis... --> Many of us tot tat havin a lot of suitors feels damn good sia. Or rather flirtin ard feels shiok...cos veri fun mah. But we din actually tink abt e fact...wat kind of impression we r givin to pple ard us? I din tink abt tis b4 too. I tot flirtin was fun. Sigh. *guilty party* Can u imagine wat kind of impression u r givin to e gal/guy whom u met? E gal/guy whom u wanna to b wif so badly? As gals...we seek for a guy whom is not flirty. Cos we dun wanna to b jealous over his flirty moves. It sure dun feel good @ all. Hence...we look for sumone who is not a big flirt if u r tokin abt husband/bf lah. Now...place urself in a guy's shoes...of cos they will wanna e same thing. Cos they r human oso...they hav brains to tink oso. They fear e same thing too! Jus a diff sex nia. LOL! So...if u tink u r attractin e opp. sex wif ur flirty moves, tink again. I tink u r scarin them off. Even if they appear to b flirtin wif ya, they r jus playin wif ya. U r most likely not goin to b considered in their potential gf/wife list n vice versa. Sounds true? Hard true fact to u? Even if they r true to ya, he/she might b oso a big flirt. Afterall...as e sayin goes... Birds of the same feather flock together. Dun u tink so? HAHA... So...if u wanna a goodie guy/gal, start being one urself. Heehee... I am not sayin u cant flirt @ all...but do it to e rite pple. Do it n mean it. Dun everywhere oso flirt. LOL!

PS: I sort of rephrase it. I hope e points r still there. E points shared r not entirely wat he sae...I added my part in too! HAHA!

After tat chat, I am more careful wif wat signals I am sendin out. It is scary to tink tat way. I dun wanna leave a bad impression. Impressions r impt. Isnt it? First impression counts. I dun wanna scare a guy off whom I might b interested over time after knowin him more n more. Makes sense?! Haha...I am wonderin if I am makin sense now. Well...cos u never noe whom u might b interested in over time. :P

Was tokin abt goin to KL to makan durin dinner. Haha...since I still hav sum riggit left to spend. Then as we were tokin...we realised tat it would b safer if a guy can come along. (2 ladies + 1 auntie tokin away) Sumhow...in tis current modern world...e 'guys r more strong / superior' mentality is still ard. -.-" So...I jus jokingly sae..."Aiyah...jus wait till I get a BF first...then jio him along loh. But ur got to wait until veri veri long...mayb ur hair might hav change colour by then. Hahaha..." Yupz. As we carried on our conversation...little did I realised tat pple ard me ALL tot I am 18 TIS YR! I mean...almost everyone wishes me Happy 18th Birthdae e other dae! *pengz* Sum got it correct cos we r of e same age or cos I corrected them. Haiz...time jus flies b4 they noe I am actualli 19 tis yr. :( We went on tokin abt BFs. As I tot thru it after dinner...I was askin myself. Y in e world did I suddenly tok abt BF? O_O Okie...tats aside. E conversation abt BF jus shocked me how time flies b4 my eyes. I was still happily tinkin tat I shall let myself NUA abit more b4 I go on a hunt for one. When I exclaimed tat I am 19 tis yr, it jus scares me how close I am to 20! AH~! I alwaes tot tat once I am 20, I shld u noe...get ready to look for a 'potential husband to b'. Now...I am oredi 19...sigh. I cant let myself NUA anymore...n happily tink tat I can jus b oblivious to e presence of e opp. sex. Sum time back...I was still tinkin...HAHA! I shall not find myself a BF soon...cos I dun wanna b burden wif e commitments n e fact tat if e one I choose is a wrong one...comes into my life n makes things worst! Afterall...havin an opp. sex party in ur life as a partner can onli lead to 2 results. One...brings u never endin happiness...makes ur life seems so great like heaven. Probs in ur life...jus diminishes wif his/her presence. Another is...e party jus bring u to hav a taste of wat is hell. Tears is wat u use to wash ur face everydae early in e morning. (due to e cryin session e previous nite) Now...I got to tink twice. I dun wanna b desperately lookin for one. But...I cant let myself nua either. GRR! I hate growin up! One or two yrs down e road...I foresee my parents will come hauntin me wif e qn...'When r u goin to bring a guy for us to see?!' OH MAN! Jus kill me lah! I am happily enjoyin my life now n absolutely hav no wish to let any guy step into my life n screw it up UNLESS I tink I met e rite one. (absolutely no confidence...:( Due to e horrifyin stories goin ard me. Sigh)

I still remember when I was much younger, havin a BF ---> tis tot sounds totally temptin. NOW...errrr... Another story. Watchin shows...jus reminds me tat in real life, e possibility of hittin wat is shown on tv or fairy tales is 0.000000000000000001% or even lesser. Incidents in shows jus scares me. I am so afraid to invest my feelings in sumone. Afterall...everyone oso starts out wif e tot tat e person is rite one. Onli after sum time...then they came to realise...erm...not correct ah! Then how? U oredi invested in liao...wanna retreat...got so easy meh? Haiz... Haha...I wont sae I dun hav anyone in mind. But...havin sumone in ur mind n havin sumone in ur life is totally 2 diff matter. When I was younger...I used to tink tat havin sumone in ur mind n havin sumone in ur life is almost e same. Cos it is jus so easy to imagine him in ur life. Goodie sia...happy n smiles all dae. But I left out e fact tat everyone has flaws. To like sumone's strength is super easy. To tolerate sumone's flaw is not easy. Is tis wat it means to sae u hav grown up? Makin stuff seems more complicated than it is?

Am I tinkin too much again?! I am doubtin myself again. :(

Pple ard me starts to ask me tis qn. U dun put make-up one ah?! Errr... Sumone jus told me sumting --> U shld put start tryin to put make-up. Cos it is veri common for pple of ur age to put make-up. Many of them r doin it. U look more presentable too. DAMN! It totally sounds like a wake up call for me! To b frank, I jus hate make-up lah. To me...make-up = costly = mafan oso! Cosmetics r not cheap lah...jus look @ e price of jus a foundation. O_O Summore so many different types of cosmetics. Jus foundation alone...oredi got 2 way foundation...liquid foundation...powder foundation...on n on n on. E terms jus makes my head spins. -.-" Can life b simpler as we grow up? Y so complicated?! But still...I will put tis into consideration. I noe I need to start to learn tis. LOL!

I realli hate to noe too much stuff sumtimes. Sumtimes...I wasnt realli tat kpo lah. Jus happened to noe sum stuff. Now...I noe of a veri bad matter. A disaster actually. Yet...I cant share tis prob. Cos too sensitive to touch. Affairs of e heart. I am not involved though. Thank god! Frens ard me alwaes ask me...y ur probs of affairs of e heart so complicated one? Involve so many pple summore! Thank god tis time I am not included. Many pple again. Haiz... Complicated ah! I cant tell them oso! Man...spare me frm these 'juicy gossips' as wat gossipers outta would tink. I wanna help n stop all tis frm happenin so much. But...tokin abt affairs of e heart...who can stop it?! I dun wanna handle it badly. Bad experiences tells me to stay clear. I shall stay clear n wait n see. UNLESS...one of them ask me for opinions. I hope I can give e most neutral opinion. Afterall one sided opinions...kills me n e person! Experiences tells so again. Haha...

Okie...I tink I better end here. Its a reali reali long post! Dun throw eggs @ me pls! Haha! See ya!

My 1st Own Make Cake


Haha...e cake I made myself for my BIRTHDAE! WoOHoo! E top view!



E side view! E bottom balck black stuff is e crust. Made frm Oreo Cookies. Haha! Anyone interested to order frm me? I am chargin @ 25bucks. Heehee...Oreo Cheesecake!

Celebration
Happy! Yeah...I am happy! Cos tis yr birthdae seems good! Got another celebration tomolo. HAHA! I tink I can put on quite a bit of weight sia. Eat all e fattening stuff. Got 3 celebrations tis yr. WoOHoO! Mum commented tat my celebrations cant seems to end. HAHA! I mean it is realli much much more than other yrs. Presents wise oso got increase. Haha...last time...was pathetic.

Oh well...lets tok abt todae. Haha... I noe it is goin to b a boring post. Pls bear wif me for a while. :P I noe it is not tat inspiring post u r lookin for. Opps. It might not hav been inspirin @ all to some. Mayb more like naggin. Heehee... *thick-skinned* I jus wanna blog b4 I 4get. I wanna b able to look back n remember e good times I hav as e time goes by. Woke up @ 9+am even though I slept like 3++am e previous nite. O_O I was watchin my show lah. Got up n felt realli bored. Nothin to do. Had breakfast n waited for mum to b back. :D Cos she promise to bring me out n treat me for lunch. Went to Taka to makan. Guess wat I ate? I had a jap meal...I dunno wat it is called n e stall name...I 4got! Haha... Then...I had Haagen Daz ice-cream!!! Wah seh! I realli happy sia. I feel like a little gal. Wanna an ice-cream on her birthdae! Heehee...

Then we went Heeren. Mum din like e place. She cant stand it while I was sastisfyin myself wif e window shoppin. :P So...we left e place shortly. As we were travellin...X sms me. Here comes sumting funny. Hahaha...u will understand as u read on. Reached home @ abt 5+pm. X sms me n told me she wanna meet up @ 8pm @ Bugis. I was tinkin...WAH! 8pm?! She told she was stressed up. I feel stressed up too! HAHA! Cos I was afraid I wont b able to meet her. Cos I wanna help her. So late...I tot to myself. Die...my parents sure + guarantee shake head one. I risk it. Heck...jus try my luck...I tot. I asked in e presence of my mum n my DAD! They agreed surprisingly! I came online n surf ard for a while. Took a shower b4 I had my dinner. Cos mum insisted. After tat...I rushed out to meet X. I told X tat I would b late. Due to e fact tat I need to hav dinner. I delayed e timing to 8.30pm.

While travellin...K called me up. He scared me sia. He asked who I was wif. I told him I was alone n goin to meet X. He asked me y he cant seems to contact X cos her hp was off. I told him I din noe y. Reached Bugis in time @ 8.30pm. I din see her. I started gettin worried. Cos of e way K put it across to me n X sayin she was veri stressed. I started gettin panicky when I waited for jus a few mins. Called K up to confirm if anythin was realli goin on wrong wif X. Was on e fone when I saw X walkin towards me. A sense of relief sia. But was still worried. Cos no one manage to contact her then. Although she smiled @ me, I was tinkin... Errrr...is there more stuff beneath tat smile?! Felt a little scared. I was afriad sumting realli bad might hav happened n I might not b able to handle e situation. After a while...I realised it was nothin lah. Her hp low bat. Tats y e whole world cant contact her. I immediately sms K n told him everythin was fine. Din wanna scared him further. HAHA! I tot it was so funny! Cos we tink too much liao. E other thing was X din manage to read my sms. So...she waited for me like crazy @ Bugis. LOL!

Was suppose to de-stress her one. Ended up tokin abt my life n experiences in Coffee Bean! She end up lendin me an ear rather than e other way round. Tats y I now so awake sia. Hahaha... Feel so paiseh...cos I tink I din realli manage to help her de-stress. Haiz...BAD! I was surprised by how much I shared wif her. Yeah...it was alot. Haha...I feel tat sumtimes in life, it is tis kind of weird things tat makes life fascinating. I feel so fascinated wif wat I told her. Sum pple in ur life...u jus hav an affiliation wif e person. Sum...u jus simply cant find it. I nearly cried AGAIN! *bang* I feel so much like a cry baby man. It jus hit a raw wound...I would put it tis way. A wound tat cant b healed for e time being.

Came home @ abt 11pm. Here I am typin tis away. HAHA! Okie...time for a thanksgivin speech... By alphabetical order...not in ANY PREFERENCE...here it goes...

Ah Thiong - Hmmm...though I noe he wont b able to read tis, I still wanna thank him for sendin me those e-cards! It was realli meaningful. I realli appreciate tat!
Adelyn - Thanks for takin time out to celebrate wif me on last Sun.
Ben - Thanks for e sms n e celebration ur gave me on last Sun.
B@bymentos - Hmmm...same...I tink she wont b readin tis. Still...I wanna thank her for e sms n I am waitin for my present frm her! HAHA! *evil* *stretch out hand*
Hui Nee - Tis gal ah...muz realli thank her for many stuff! Thanks for e virtual cake on msn n e e-cards!
Jaslin - Thanks for e sms n takin time out to celebrate wif me on last Sun!
John Lee - Thanks for takin time out to celebrate wif me on last Sun!
John Lye - Thanks for takin time out to celebrate wif me on last Sun!
Joseph - Thanks for e sms!
Junius - Thanks for puttin in e effort to make e card n e celebration! Not to 4get...for gatherin e wishes of everyone for me in E343! (e hearts in e card I mean)
King - Thanks for takin time out to celebrate wif me on last Sun!
Liping - Thanks for e sms! Muz update me hor! Heehee...
Pierce - Thanks for ur wishes!
Peishan - Thanks for e sms!
Rallen - Thanks for takin time out to celebrate wif me on last Sun!
Sis Vic - Thanks for takin time out to celebrate wif me on last Sun!
Sky - Thanks for takin time out to celebrate wif me on last Sun!
Xue-Er - Thanks for e drink n for takin time out to buy my present! Not to 4get...thanks for takin time out to celebrate wif me on last Sun too! ^_^
Yuan Shan - Thanks for e sms n for takin time out to celebrate wif me on last Sun!
LAST of ALL...my MUM! I noe she wont b readin tis...but still, I wanna thank her e treat n for makin a happy little gal todae! Jus wanna tell her I will strive to b a good daughter. I dunno wat r her expectations...but I hope I am doin e rite stuff. :)
Last but least...my AUNT! I noe she wont b readin tis...but still, I wanna thank her for e treat tomolo n for being there for me to hear me out when everyone ard me left me. I cant thank u enoff for tat. Thanks for being e pillar of support whenever I need one badly. Thanks for all tat u hav done.
One more! My UNCLE! I wanna thank him for being e onli one who is able to withstand my slow-ness. I noe I cant thank him enoff too. Thanks for all e love u showered upon me for e past 17yrs of my life. I noe I will wont b able to hear u wishin me 'Happy Birthdae' anymore. I noe u will watch over me frm above. I will never 4get for all tat u hav done. For fightin for me when my parents tink otherwise...for many many other stuffs. I am sorri I wasnt a sensible gal back then...not realli one now still. I am sorri I disappoint u. I noe u were realli disappointed in me for wat I hav done. I will keep e promise no matter wat. I jus hope I wont disappoint u any further in e yrs to come. I hope I will shine jus like e way u wanna me to b. I love u. I miss u.

Haha... Haiz...I noe I repeated for most of e thanksgivin speech. But realli cant tink of other ways to put it. :P I tink I will stop here...will continue e next time. :)

Gettin Crazy


Haha...Shuai ba? LOL! I am goin crazy watchin tis show rite now. Tis is e main male lead. Mike He Jun Xiang is his name. :D Once I start watchin...I cant stop! Haha...veri bad sia. I jus go gaga over e show. Every time oso cry over e same old few episodes. Yeah...I can go on n on n on. Jus keep watch it over n over again. Wont b sian over it. I wonder y. :P Okie lah...time to go...will b back to update veri soon! Cya!

Mouth...Focus...
Whee~! I am BACK. Whahaha...jus finished my Common Test. WooHOO~~! Will revamp tis thingy tonite. Jus here for a short update abt wat is on my mind these few daes. E 1st paper was...ehh...HORRIBLE! Well...it was horrible cos I wasnt feelin well tat dae. I was havin a fever. Still went for e paper...BUT I made a grave mistake. Tats to take e med b4 I took e paper. My head was spinnin when I was in e LT sia. Felt realli frustrated. All I can sae is e feelin is like I wasnt doin e paper myself. I was being controlled by someone else. I wasnt realli tinkin...bless me for tat paper. 2nd paper...errr...I would sae abit bad. Cos most of e qns I dun realli noe wat is e rite ans. But...heck lah...not an impt module to me. :P I kinda crap it thru. Lets see how good is my crappin skills lah. HAHA! Last paper...pissed! Cos I am like so STUPID lah...made a damn STUPID careless mistake. I tink I jus lost 10 marks. Goodness! Tats an ex price to pay! AS USUAL...I am ALWAYS careless!

Mouth

Huo chong kou chu. --> direct translation is troubles / disaster comes frm e mouth. Oh well...many a times, we dun realli tink much abt wat we sae. Or rather...if we realli do tat...conversations will seems so stressing n uninterestin. Wat I wanna sae is...say it n mean wat u sae. Hav u ever been in tis situation?! I bet many of us hav been tis b4 --> a fren of urs came to u n was realli upset over a certain matter. He/she started sayin things like they wanna give up on everythin ard them...blah blah blah...if it is a SHE...might even end up cryin! So in order to console her...u sae nice stuff. One veri temptin phrase which I would believe many of us like to sae is..."I'll b there for u!" Hmmm...I dunno how u feel when u on e receivin side hear tis. As for me...a sense of relief n happiness slowly seeps into me. BUT one thing to take note...when u sae it, even though u might or might not 100% mean wat u sae @ tat moment, we cant realli b there for tat person in times of need. Y do I sae so? When u r feelin like shit...is there anyone for ya? E person who claims will b there...is he/she there? IF ur ans is YESH for both qns, then treasure whoever tat person is. There r times where pple ard us chooses different paths n went on wif their life. They bcome too preoccupied wif wateva tat is goin ard them...n 4got abt e promise they made to us. Tat is...to b there for u. Tis is e reason y I never realli like to sae it to anyone outta. Cos I cant 100% guarantee tat I will b there. If I cant do it...then y make a promise? It onli brings disappointment to e other party in time to come. I will onli sae it bcos I noe I will b there...so far...onli 2 pple receive tat. :P HAHA! Tats oso e reason y I dun like pple to tell me "I'll b there for u". I noe it is a damn sweet phrase. But it holds no meaning to me if u cant keep tis promise. Cos I will b stupid enoff to believe wat u hav promised.

Focus

Everyone likes to make new year resolutions when a brand new year starts. To me...it no longer means anythin. I used to like to make resolutions in my life. Okie...by tis and tis time...I muz b able to do tis n tat. But...it loses it value whenever I look back @ e end of e yr to those resolutions I hav made. I alwaes manage to succeed NONE! Yeah...its tat bad. So y bother makin resolutions? Haha...so I din make any for tis yr. Many of us will regret @ e end of e yr. Aiyah...damn...I din manage to succeed tis n tat last yr. I dunno how many pple r like me. I will regret but over time...I will 4get wat I regret. History will repeat itself again. Y can we succeed wat we plan to succeed? Most of e time...it is bcos we dun focus on wat we want to succeed. We get too obsessed wif wat interests us @ tat moment. I manage to pick tis up when I was makin a decision a few daes back. I was suppose to make a choice for e optional module tat I wanna take for next sem. As I was tinkin...I was like..."ARGH! I saw her name on e list lah...sian 1/2." I din noe if I shld change my mind abt e module I wanna so badly. Over time...I tot to myself. Y shld I bother abt her? She is nothin to me. I shldnt let her get into my way of I wanna achieve in my life. She isnt goin to b a hindrance to me. Heck lah...I went on wif wat I wanna. Many a times...we 4get abt wat is e thing tat we realli wanna @ e veri end. We tot of e obstacles...wah sian...dun wanna lah. We decided to change e route. Y shld u b e one changin ur route? Esp. when e person means NOTHIN to u. If e person means alot to ya...then mayb u might wanna consider other alternatives. HAHA! I was jus not focus enoff wif wat I wanna but too focus wif wat is goin to b difficult. If I realli tat suay enoff to hav her again in my klass...then I can onli sae it is jus another round of test for me. A test which I am sure I can conquer jus like any other tests. A test which is goin to make me stronger. :) Aniwae...nothin in life is easy isnt it? If u tink sumting is easy...tink again. It is not...it is jus tat u din manage to see e difficulty in it.

Haha...tats all for now. I gtg...to teach my student! See ya!

*screams in excitement!*
AH~! I am SUPER HAPPY now! U noe wat?! I was jus prayin for a job! I was tinkin of it so hard for e past few daes. I cant help but feel damn broke. @ first, I was tinkin if wat I wanna is jus a WANT or issit realli a NEED? Cos I feel tat if it is jus a WANT...then y shld I bother myself tinkin n wishin so hard for it? It wont matter rite? Cos it is not sumting I NEED. As I consider further...I realised it was a NEED! Cos if I still dun get any income for my bank account...it is goin to hit zero soon! Guess wat?! My student's dad called me up. He wanna me back! YEAH!!! I tink it is e best piece of news I can get for tis brand new year. Though pay isnt as high as b4...cos e time needed to invest in it is much lesser. BUT...considerin how broke I am now...it is a good start after all...isnt it? WoOHoO~! E best ting of all is I am goin to teach my FAV. subject! MATHS! No longer do I need to teach English. It was such a relieve. Haha... Cos languages is jus not my cup of tea.

A grp of frens celebrated my Birthdae todae! (in advance) Whee! Thanks ALOT! I was told to make 2 wishes...but apparently, e greedy ME got so many wishes. One of them was a JOB! Haha... I dun realli mind goin out anymore. I used to like to stay @ home...cos too broke! Go out = spend $$ = Bank acc. values goin in e down direction. HAHA! I was oso told to give a thanksgivin speech. Err...me din prepare a speech b4 hand. So...it turned out to b pretty horrible. I was in a state of lost of words. Heehee...hope ur dun mind. Comments wise...oso veri jia lat. My all-time phrase..."Okie loh..." Haha... Haiz...I am jus not so vocal @ times. Got to learn how to speak more. I wonder in amazement how pple can jus hav conversation in a never endin manner. Y I jus stone there n lost of words? Yet...y issit for sum pple I can tok non stop but not all?! Issit bcos of how comfortable I feel wif e person?! I guess it might b partly e case. Of cos...another prob is wif pple who I barely noe...I tend to hav no common topic to tok abt. :( Tis is bad. Almost 19 liao...still dunno how to tok properly. -_-"

Jus dropped by Jas's blog. Wo you tong gan. Haha... I oso used to like to go out for countdown when I was young. I would argue over it. BUT...tis yr, I was @ home. O_O I actualli dun realli mind abt goin out for countdown anymore. Instead...I enjoy stayin @ home n spend sum time off wif my parents. Hehee... 2005 has come to an end. 2006 is a brand new year! If u ask me how I feel abt 2005? I would sae it is a life changin year of my life. Sumhow...I grow up in e aspect of perception. I hav a totally different set of perception abt life n things ard me. I learn abt how silly I hav been to tink tat there is nothin I can do in my life. Now...e list seems never ending. I tink I will b realli busy tryin to change e bad aspects of me. Be it e character...or jus anythin! 2005 started out to b realli bad. I was in pits after pits. But e endin was realli GREAT! Fantastic! I realli enjoy myself. SASTISFIED! Learnin to b sastisfied wif wat u hav is oso an art. Dun u tink so?! I mean how many pple in world can sae they r realli sastisfied wif wat they hav now? HAHA... Jus sumting for ya to ponder. R u chasin after wat u NEED or r u chasin after wat u WANT? If u r chasin after wat u WANT, hav u ever feel exhausted? If u r...y bother?! Dun u tink u deserve a break sum times?

I strongly believe 2006 is goin to b a GREAT yr for me! Cos e start of e yr is GREAT! I believe it will b as time goes on. :D Cheers! *raise cup* I am so lookin forward to wat 2006 will brings. Be it good or bad...I learnt tat it is for me to learn a valuable lesson. To make me a better person...can never b perfect though. Heehee... Lets rock n roll for a while...haha... Opps! I 4got I still got Common Test leh! :P

Frens ard me were tokin abt BGR. Haha... They shared abt their stories. Sumhow...I feel glad tat G was rite. Eye-candies r much much better than crushes. LOL! They taste sweeter too! (cos they r candies!) Haha...I noe it is LAME! *shivers* Sumhow...within these few daes...it jus hit a raw nerve in me. I remember a fren of mine asked me tis qn not too long ---> "Wah...u not sian meh?" He was askin me in terms of my crushes lah. Yeah...I am gettin sick of it. Eye-candy is a million times better. No fret over e fact he might noes! HAHA! A qn posted to me..."U never wish for a BF?" YW, G n I all feel tat we all wanna a BF...but e stories goin on ard us, jus makes us lose e confidence of lookin for e rite guy. Moreover...e responsibility of lookin after another person's life is tiring! As for me...I oredi cant handle my life well enoff liao...how am I goin to handle another person's life? I cant heck care abt his life...alwaes being on e receivin end rite? Its abt givin n takin in life. Though I wish for one...BUT jus not now...I am jus not ready @ all. So...wish for wat? Makes no sense. LOL!

Hmmm... I tok to a fren of mine e other nite. Was tokin abt I need to pick up sumting to build confidence in me. Went Yamaha @ PS jus now. I was lookin @ e guitars...omg! So EX! Hmmm...I am pretty determined to learn guitar. But...of cos...I got to save up FIRST! For my guitar...wanna get an acoustic guitar. Din noe guitars got so many different types. I am jus a mountain turtle in tis. :) Hey fren! Jus wanna sae...special thanks to ya! U noe who u r! Thanks for playin a role in my life. Thanks for ur guidance...lead me to see certain things in life r not as BAD as I tot them to b. Jus hope tat our frenship will b strong n on goin for many more years to come. Heehee...I dun like to sae it out...:P Cos I feel weird all over...haha...u noe it...its jus me.

Okie lah...I tink I nag long enoff. See ya! ;)