Crap
I hate tis. I hate to b in conflict wif pple who matters wif me. I jus cried over a stupid matter. I wanna try so hard to convince her. Convince her tat life will b better. I was in tat shit b4. I jus got out of it not too long ago. But she din noe how much it hurts when I am in conflict wif her. How much it hurts when I see those words on my msn. Argh. I hate myself for cryin. It makes me feel so vulnerable. I used to b so much like her. We will b complainin abt e same stuff. Feelin shitty over e same prob. I saw e change in my perception of stuff ard me. I no longer sing in tune wif her. Crap. Tat hurts. I seriously tinkin if tis change is good or bad?! Y tis change take place?! It is makin me gettin more conflicts wif her. It hurts me. I wanna sae so much...but dunno how to get it across to hurt her less. I noe it hurts to hear e facts n truth. I hate it myself. She tells me her probs. As much as I wanna help her to solve them...I dunno how to. I feel so sad...cos I cant help much. All I can do once again is listen to her...n sae "Hmmm... Okie... Icic..." @ e rite times. Crap. I wanna to give solutions to her. But I cant seems to see anythin. Things r not within my control. It adds on a load into e haversack on my back whenever I heard her complains.

She says: pple dun even wanna give mi chance..try wat?!
= JēřĹŷŋ = says: u got to prepare urself first b4 e chance comes...
= JēřĹŷŋ = says: if it comes now...r u ready for it?
She says: if it comes..U DIE HAVE TO DO IT
= JēřĹŷŋ = says: yah lah....but if u r not prepare....u wont show it 2 e pple tat u can do it
She says: how to prepare? everyday tok to urself ah?!
= JēřĹŷŋ = says: no lah
= JēřĹŷŋ = says: u got weekly presentation wif ck...
She says: in daily work theres no need to tok and tell
She says: yah i still try
= JēřĹŷŋ = says: start frm there
She says: OREDI STARTED
She says: SO?! AND THEN?!
She says: it leads to nothing?!
= JēřĹŷŋ = says: aiyah 4get it...
= JēřĹŷŋ = says: i dun wanna argue wif u

Tears jus dropped down e moment I type finish e last sentence. I give up. I noe she was frustrated. I am too. How to tok in tis way? I lost all my mood to study. Argh! I am stuck in another shit. A conflict between my own principles. Some principles jus seems to clashes under tat prob. I wanna so much to tok to her abt it...but seems like she dun hav e mood to spare. I wanna so much to share wif her e huge prob tat is buggin me @ tis moment. But...part of me...is so afraid tat she might scold me. Unable to understand wat I am feelin. Noe-ing her character...I will most probably get killed. I hate tis drift off feelin. E feelin of closeness seems to be gettin further n further apart. I cant tell anyone abt it...crap. E onli pple r YW n G. Yet...they dun understand e thing tat is goin on within my family. CRAP! It stresses me out. E onli thing tat I feel dear to me now is tis blog. Cos it shares all e crappy stuff in my life. I jus had a nitemare last nite. I dreamt tat one of my relative sae I was notti. Indeed I was. E dream scared me out of my wits. I was trembling. I woke up frm e dream cos I wanna get out of it asap. AH~~~! I blame no one for tis. Cos I alwaes believe tat everythin has a choice to it. It depends on which one u choose. I choose to b notti. I can blame no one. Even if everyone ard me forgives me for wat I hav done, I still cant forgive myself. Cos it all begins wif me. Onli me.

I wanna so much to dump everythin away...all e probs pple tells me. I wish to solve them. But I cant. Cos I hav no solutions to them. Tell me wat can I do? Is my expectations for myself way too high?! Sounds like...I tink I am a superwoman?! I dunno. I tot it wasnt too high. But it seems abit like it is. Argh. Jus dump me a equation to solve all tis crap. I will work my way wif it.

AH~~~! Off I go to find tat mood to study again. I am way behind my schedule. Another crap! See ya! :(